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Tis The Season Collection Part 3
As we get closer and closer to the day of celebration. Well, for some anyway. And I’m still watching these Christmas movies. So here is the next eight.
A Christmas Horror Story
I don’t mind bad movies. They are fun to riff on, so there is enjoyment to be had. And good movies are the joy that lubes the wheels of life. But it’s the movies that are full of missed opportunities that are my greatest disappointment as a film geek. Like today’s film, the 2015 Canadian ‘sort of’ anthology film A Christmas Horror Story.
This is a film made up of four stories. The first is a tale of three friends who gain access to the school after hours on Christmas Eve to make a documentary for class about the double unsolved murder that took place there the previous year and are terrorised by ghosts of abused girls at the hands of nuns. The second is a story about a young couple whose son is replaced by a Changeling when they go on a property to cut down a tree for Christmas. The third is about a family, who while traveling to see their rich aunt, run afoul of the Christmas demon Krampus. And the fourth is about Santa Claus battling a horde of zombie elves in his workshop. All with the wrap-around segments concerning a radio host (played by William Shatner) talking to the residents of Bailey Downs where most of the stories take place.
The things with this film, instead of presenting the four stories separately, they are inter-cut together like a traditional narrative. This has the effect of sucking any tension and atmosphere out of the film and weakening the ending of each segment. And the wrap-arounds are wasted, as is Shatner.
I can’t say I hate this film, but I don’t love it either. There is a good movie there. Hell, I think there are several good films here. Each one of these stories could have been expanded to a feature quite well. Especially Santa versus zombie elves. And even the final showdown between Krampus and Santa, which could have been epic, is drowned in the river by a stringer that alternately makes the whole exercise pointless.
The highlight is George Buza as Santa. As well as the costumes and makeup effects. You might get some enjoyment out of it. Unfortunately, I did not.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
When I was younger, I loved this film. I rented it from the video store and watched it every Christmas season all through high school. I have so many fond memories of watching this film with friends, and cracking up all over each other. Seriously, the clean-up was messy.
But as I got older, I watched this film less and less, and until I sat down to watch it two days ago (at time of writing) I hadn’t seen it in 20 years. I so wanted to relive the old times, but something was different. I was not the same person who first found this comedy. And I found myself not as engaged as I once was.
The story is Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) wants to spend Christmas Vacation at home with all the family. Much to the dismay of his wife Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo) and kids Audrey and Rusty (Juliette Lewis & Johnny Galecki). Both sets of Grandparents also arrive, as does cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) as his family.
And as usual the walking disaster area with a kind heart, Clark gets into all manner of mishaps, pratfalls and slapstick shenanigans.
This is in no way a bad movie. And it is unapologetically a Christmas movie. But now I find the characterisation of most of the characters poor, one dimensional and nonsensical. And for some reason that I haven’t figured out, that now bothers me. Me! Lover of the fart joke.
There are still laugh out loud moments here. The sled sequence still gets a belly laugh, as does the squirrel in the Christmas tree. And Chase’s delivery of every line of dialogue is pure gold matching whatever the scene needs.
The film was again written by John Hughes. He does have a good grasp on comedy but this is not his best work. The very next year he would create one of the best Christmas movies of all time, Home Alone.
But I must shout out to the music composed by the late Angelo Badalamenti which is top notch and better than this film deserves.
This film, which launched a thousand memes, is indeed a Christmas Classic. I just wish it still was for me.
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
In the world of franchises, if you talk about one, you must mention the others. But since we are talking about Christmas movies here, we can only talk about one other entry in the Die Hard franchise, that of the 1990 Renny Harlin directed sequel, Die Hard 2: Die Harder. And yes, it takes place at Christmas. Honestly, I thought that was a given at this point.
The backstory of this tale is that a dictator of a South American country has been overthrown and taken into custody. And is being extradited to the United States via an airplane. Little does anyone know that the dictator General Esperanza (Franco Nero) has hired American mercenaries led by the disgraced Colonel Stuart (Willian Sadler) to free him at the airport in Washington DC. And on Christmas Eve at Dulles International Airport, they take over the systems of the airport remotely and essentially take control of everyone in the airport and making hostages of the hundreds of people circling overhead waiting to land. And on one of those planes is Holly McClane (Bonnie Bedelia), who is flying into Dulles to meet her husband Officer John McClane.
McClane brings his smarts, badassery, and quips to the proceeding as he moves heaven and hell, and kills a lot of bad guys, to save his wife and everyone else on Christmas.
Other characters in this flick are jerk-off journalist Roger Thornberg (William Atherton), head of Airport Police And douche bag turned good Captain Carmine Lorenzo (Dennis Franz), engineer Barnes (Arte Evnas) and head of the airport Trudeau (Fred Dalton Thompson).
This film is full of all the same action and explosions as the first, only turned way the hell up. And everything as you would expect it. Hell, it was even more successful than the original. And it doesn’t disappoint. And everyone shines in their roles. The only weak spot here, compared to the other films in the franchise, is the villain. He may be capable and threatening, but he is not as fun to watch.
Check out the IMDb page and check out all the well-known names and the baddies. You will be surprised.
A good Christmas action film and a worthy sequel.
Home Alone.
While John Hughes wasn’t originally down for making National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, he was very interested in making another Christmas themed movie. And it all came about after Hughes was getting very ready to go on a family vacation and wrote a list of what he needed to take. But then a thought occurred to him, ‘What would happen if I accidently left my 8-year-old son home by himself?’ And one of the biggest Christmas films was born.
Home Alone is a 1990 Christmas comedy written and produced by John Hughes and directed by Chris Columbus and released through 20th Century. And if you haven’t seen this film, you’re dead to me.
The film centres around 8-year-old Kevin McAllister (Macaulay Culkin), who after an argument with his parents (John Heard & Catherine O’Hara) and the extended family, and following a string of mishaps, is accidently left home alone (title drop) when the family flies to France.
While left alone, Kevin has to figure out how to look after himself (cook, do laundry and shop). But this isn’t the only thing he has to master. Kevin’s house is the crown jewel for two thieves that have been targeting the neighbourhood, Harry and Marv (Joe Pesci & Daniel Stern), who call themselves the Wet Bandits.
After a few false starts, they figure out Kevin is home alone (title drop) and take action. This is the most fondly remembered part of the film as it basically turns into a live action Looney Tunes cartoon with Kevin as the Bugs or Roadrunner against Yosemite Sam and Wile E Coyote. True cinema gold and one of the reasons it is remembered to this day.
The heart of the film is with Kevin’s Mum Kate, moving heaven and hell to get back home to Kevin after realising he has been left behind, culminating in their reunion. Also, there is the relationship between Kevin and Old Man Marley (Roberts Blossom) who acts almost as a ghost of Christmas future for Kevin. They become friends, giving each other advice with Marley even saving Kevin. This element of perfectly seasonal sentimentally offsets the cartoonish violence, creating a wonderfully balanced Christmas treat, no matter your age.
Wait! John Williams did the score for this? Cool.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
Home Alone was a massive success, over 12 weeks in theatres, earned a total of $476.7 million on a budget of $18 million, and was the most successful American comedy film until 2011. So, a sequel was inevitable. And in 1992 that is exactly what we got in Home Alone 2: Lost In New York.
This time, after another series of unfortunate events, instead of Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) getting on a plane with his family to vacation in Florida, he ends up on a plane headed to New York City. Once there he realised the mistake, and that he has a massive envelope of money his dad asks him to hold onto intended for the holiday. So, he does what any overly intelligent kid would do, cons his way into staying at the Plaza Hotel. Could happen.
As his parents (John Heard & Catherine O’Hara) try to track him down, Kevin leads the staff of the Plaza on a merry chase full of shenanigans. The most notable of these is the Concierge (Tim Curry in another scene stealing performance), the desk clerk (Dana Ivey), and the bellboy (Rob Schneider). But the Wet Bandits, now renamed the Sticky Bandits, Harry and Marv are out of prison and free in New York, and surprise surprise, run into Kevin. This leads to another Looney Tunes style slapstick showdown that is even more brutal and funny than the last. I think Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci’s reactions are even more entertaining here too as they once again get their asses handed to them by a 10-year-old.
This film is almost the same story as before. All the cast from the original returns, and has all the same story and comedy beats. It even has a new take on the Old Man Marley character in the Bird Lady (Brenda Fricker), a homeless woman living with her birds in Central Park who Kevin is scared of at first, but becomes a friend and saves the day at the end.
Writer/producer John Hughes is back, as is the director, Chris Columbus. Hell, even John Williams returns to do the score.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I prefer this to the original.
Deadly Games
What if I were to tell you that Home Alone wasn’t the first Christmas film where a kid defended his home from an outside force. But in a very different genre. Well, oddly enough, this is true.
The 1989 French film Deadly Games is a Christmas themed action/thriller written and directed by René Manzor.
A child prodigy Thomas (Alain Lalanne), who loves computers, inventing and action films, is left alone with his ailing grandfather (Louis Ducreux) on Christmas Eve in the giant family home while his CEO mother is working in the city.
In the city, a drunk homeless man, Le Père Noël (Patrick Floersheim) gets a job as a store Santa Claus, but isw fired by Thomas’ mother for hitting a child. Instead of handing in his suit, he journeys to the ex-employer’s home to terrorise her son, who he has been stalking online, as a form of revenge. And anyone who gets in the way of this unhinged Santa is killed to fulfill a twisted fantasy.
And after the alarm is raised, Thomas’ mother moves heaven and hell to save her son all the while Thomas is using his skills, intelligence, plus the hidden rooms in his house, to hide and then fight this intruder to save himself and his grandpa.
This film, at times, borders on a horror home invasion film. The situation and the film’s tension holds you by the lapels and doesn’t let go. Alain Lalanne is such a believable kid genius with a kind heart who saves the day and his family for the killer. Seriously, this kid could have had an action franchise centred around him.
Floersheim’s performance as Noël is as chilling as it is tragic, as the already fractured man breaks even further with devastating consciences.
It does riff on action films before the threat arrives, and a little in the climax, but it is the addition of the horror movies elements from films like Silent Night, Deadly Night and Christmas Evil that ratchet the events up. Especially since the main character still believes in Santa Claus.
This film is available on Shudder. It was also released under the titles 3615 code Père Noël, Game Over, and Hide and Freak.
Trancers.
Like other genre films that are in the pantheon of alternative Christmas movies, this 1984 sci-fi action thriller is a stellar entry. But it is rarely talked about. Shame, because I think this movie rocks.
Trancers (originally titled Future Cop and released under that name in many regions), was directed by Charles Band, for his production company, and written by Danny Bilson and Paul De Meo. This sci-fi gem stars character actor and cult movie icon Tim Thomerson as future cop Jack Deth (pronounced ‘Death’). And with a name like that, you know he is a badass.
He has been hunting down a criminal named Martin Whistler (Michael Stefani) who has been using psychic powers to turn people into zombie-like creatures called trancers to carry out his orders. Thinking he has destroyed all the trancers and with Whistler disappeared, Jack retires. Only then to be called into action again by Captain McNulty (Art LaFleur), who tells him that Whistler has used a machine to send his consciousness back in time into the body of one of his ancestors to kill the ancestors of the governing council. So, armed with some high-tech gadgets, Jack’s consciousness travels into the past to stop the criminal, and into the body of his ancestor Phil Deth.
The year is 1984. It’s Christmas time. And with the help of Phil’s punk rock girlfriend Leena (Helen Hunt), kills some trancers, saves the last of the counsel’s ancestors in Hal Ashby (Biff Manard) and stops Whistler.
This is simplifying the story a great deal, because there is so much going on in this film. Band’s direction is good, Thomerson and Hunt are on top form and seemed to be having a lot of fun with their roles. The action and sci-fi elements are handled better than you would expect from a film with such a small budget. But this film is a cult classic that spawned a franchise of likewise cult classics.
The scene with the watch that slows time and the fight scene in a crowded mall with a trancer Santa Claus are the film’s highlights. As is the dialogue.
If you haven’t seen this classic of 80s cinema, put it on your list. It’s available to stream on Tubi.
Gremlins.
I love this movie from top to bottom. Loved it as a kid (even though it scared the shit out of me on first viewing) and I love it now.
I mean, look at the artisans. Produced by Steven Spielberg, written by Chris Columbus and directed by the great Joe Dante. It creates a unique little cinematic world all its own that blends the traditional heartfelt Christmas movie with a horror monster invasion movie and manages to keep the PG rating intact with a light feel throughout with a little Looney Tunes violence.
Anyway, the story starts with Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton), an inventor on a business trip. On his journeys he comes across a little Chinese antique store where he comes across the Mogwai, a mysterious and adorable creature. After being turned down to buy it from the old man running the store, his grandson sells it to Randall a while later.
Returning home, he gives the mogwai to his son Bill (Zach Galligan) as a Christmas gift. Young Billy has a kind heart and is an aspiring artist who has a crush on his co-worker Kate (Phoebe Cates). But Mogwai ownership comes with three rules: 1) Never expose them to bright light, especially daylight. 2) Never get it wet, and 3) Never, ever feed after midnight. After little Gizmo accidentally gets wet, he multiplies. These new Mogwais are mean spirited and sneaky. And after they sabotage Billy’s clock radio, they get fed after midnight, leading them to hatch as evil green skinned Gremlins. And these green terrors multiply and slowly take over the town with only Billy, Kate and Gizmo to save the day.
The comedy here is what elevates the film. As are the actual onscreen human deaths. It is a wonderful mix. The obvious backlot and the use of lighting and Jerry Goldsmith’s amazing score turn a simple B-movie into a timeless classic that was made to parody monster films of the 1950s.
And watch out for the amazing cameos. Steven Spielberg, Jerry Goldsmith, Jim McKrell, William Scarlett, Kenneth Tobey, a pre-Breaking Bad Jonathon Banks and the late great animation legend Charles M. “Chuck” Jones. Also, Robbie the Robot from Forbidden Planet. Cool, Huh?
I watch this film every year. Always will.
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Tis The Season Collection Part 2 – “It’s Time For Some Seasons Beatings.”
Here is the Second Collection of Christmas Reviews for the month. The first four cover a few shorts and TV episodes followed by some season classics new and old. Enjoy.
Bedtime For Sniffles
When I think of Warner Bros., my mind goes to the iconic cartoon shorts they poured into the pop culture zeitgeist since the 1930s. The Looney Tune and Merrie Melodies have always been the benchmark of animation for me. And while it’s true that I like a little more anarchy in my cartoons, every now and then something ridiculously cute plays the right heart strings and the tune lands.
Bedtime For Sniffles is a Merry Melodies short from 1940, and is probably the best, if not the sweetest, Christmas short the WB ever did. And definitely the best of the Sniffles shorts.
The story revolves around young mouse Sniffles who, on Christmas Eve, is determined to stay awake past midnight to meet Santa Claus as he is delivering presents. Everything little Sniffles does to stay awake, like singing and dancing, talking to himself in the mirror, drinking cups of coffee and dunking his head in cold water, is undermined by the spectre of sleep and the warm bed mocking him in the corner.
The look and feel of this cartoon is sweet without being sickeningly sentimental. I think it has a lot to do with the background and layouts of Sniffles’ little house (the radio that takes up half the house, the thimble coffee mug, the eye dropper water faucets, etc), and the always amazing music by Carl W Stalling. But it is the vocal performance of Margaret Hill-Talbot as Sniffles that makes this short honest and believable story of a mouse that believes in Santa wanting to see the jolly man.
Chuck Jones, the animation titan, directed this short. Well before hitting his stride in the late 40s and the 50s, he showed here he could be simple and sweet as well as the zany and abstract comedy short that the world, and myself, love him for. Here, he focuses on facial animation, which is some of the best in the classic golden age.
You can watch the short online in many places. I watched it on Daily Motion. Just type the title into Google and slip into a simpler time.
Futurama “Xmas Story”.
Okay, I’m hitting you with a Christmas episode here.
Now, if you don’t know about Futurama (seriously, where the hell have you been living) it is a futuristic comedy animated TV show created by Matt Groening and David X. Cohen not only riffs on science fiction but politics, religion and pop culture at large. And is seriously one of the best things created for television.
This episode, “Xmas Story” from Season 2, is the first of the Futurama Christmas episodes made for the show.
It centres around our hapless hero out of time Phillip J Fry, learning that the treasured seasonal holiday has changed into something very different to what he knows. Even if the core of the holiday remains the same. For example, pine trees have been extinct for 800 years so Xmas trees are now decorated Palm Trees.
When Fry wants to venture out to find a present for Leela because she is feeling a little depressed, Professor Farnsworth fills him in on the dangers. In 2801 the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa Claus to determine who had been naughty and who had been nice and distribute presents accordingly. But the robot’s standards were set too high and he judges everyone to be naughty. And according to Amy if he is caught out after sundown Santa will chop off his head and stuff his neck full of toys from his stack of horrors.
Honestly, this premise fits in perfectly with the show and delivers the comedy accordingly. And pokes fun at what you would expect from cultural shifts, commercialisation out of control, to unreachable standards. And while the following Christmas themed episode, “A Tale of Two Santas” from Season four is more memorable in my opinion, this is a great starting point for a recurring theme and character.
And having Santa played by John Goodman here is as inspired as the casting of Kelsey Grammer Sideshow Bob. And his arsenal of Xmas weapons, like the decoration grenades and the T.O.W. missiles (a play on mistletoe), are just as cool and his fire breathing robotic reindeer.
Why not watch all the Xmas episodes in a row this Christmas? I am.
Tales From The Crypt “And All Through The House”.
Okay, now I want to take a moment and talk about my favourite Christmas episodes of television ever. Tales From The Crypt, season one episode entitled ‘And All Through The House’, which was originally aired in 1989.
Many of the episodes of the series were based on stories that first appeared in the EC Comics horror magazines from the 1950s. This story first appeared in issue 35 of The Vault of Horror in 1954. The story centres around a wife (Mary Ellen Trainer) who has had enough of her domineering husband (Marshall Bell) and dispatches him with a fire poker on Christmas Eve. All under the nose of the couple’s ‘far-too-excited-for-Chistrmas’ daughter, Carrie Ann.
But unbeknownst to the wife (the characters in this story never actually get names), a homicidal maniac escapes from a nearby Institute for the Criminally Insane (I do love the basic cliches in these stories) who is dressed in a Santa suit and is at large and roaming the countryside killing wo ever he comes across.
So, when the wife tries to dispose of the body, the madman (played by Larry Drake) appears out of nowhere in the winter wonderland and attacks. So, there is a kind of twisted cat and mouse between the two characters with lots of the kind of mishaps and conundrums you would expect. And it has the usual stinger ending.
There is as descent amount of humour that works in this story, mainly from the murderous Santa, which Drack play perfectly. Mixing comedy and horror is something he would do again in the underrated Dr. Giggles. And Trainer is amazing as the wife. I honestly don’t know why she wasn’t a bigger star. And she has the most amazing scream, both in sound and with the way her face contorts.
Like most of the TFTC episodes, it is full of talent. Directed by Robert Zemeckis (who was married to Trainer at the time), written by Fred Dekker, cinematography by Dean Cundey, and music by Alan Silvestri. And this is not taking into account the Crypt Keeper wrap arounds and the show’s theme by Danny Elfman.
This 25-minute episode is some of the best seasonal viewing you could have.
The Twilight Zone, “Night of the Meek”.
The original Twilight Zone, started in 1959, was a sci-fi, fantasy, style anthology show that quickly became one of the most influential television programs ever produced and has been called the greatest television series ever made.
Created by writer Rod Serling, featured intriguing tales from every popular genre with wonderful surprise or twist endings.
The episode “The Night of The Meek” was aired in 1960 on 23rd December as part of the show’s second season. It was also one of only six episodes shot in videotape in an effort to save funds for an expensive show.
But apart from the lower quality, there is a lot to like here with this entry. Henry Corwin (Art Carney) is a world-weary alcoholic how’s only joy is playing Santa Claus at his local department store every year. But when he turns up drunk one day, his manager fires him. Corwin explains himself saying he drinks because he can’t help the lost, poor or broken. And it’s his wish that just once that the meek would inherit the earth.
Corwin, still dressed as Santa, is depressed and sulking around outside, discovers a sack full of presents and he starts handing them out to people in the neighbourhood. He is surprised to find that every gift is exactly what the person most wants for Christmas. Corwin’s mood changes when he has a purpose, even after he is taken into police custody being suspected of theft.
After giving away the last of the presents, he wishes he could be the biggest giver of true joy in the world. Moments later Corwin discovered a sleigh complete with eight reindeer, and an elf that tells him there is much work to do before next year. Corwin then drives the sleigh off into the night topped off with Serling’s hopeful narration.
There was a lot of magic in this story. Carney is a revelation in this role. And the story is a perfect fable. It is sweet, whimsical and hopeful. And forces you to ask, “Was Corwin actually Santa?’ or “Did he become Santa?’ Or maybe it could all be in his head. But regardless, these 25 minutes are a sheer joy of a Christmas gift.
Die Hard
There is an old and treasured saying, that “It’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off Nakatomi Plaza.” And it’s one many live by.
If you haven’t seen Die Hard, do you even like ‘fun’. Seriously? Do you even know how to ‘Christmas’?
Die Hard is a 1987 action film directed by John McTiernan and starring actor Bruce Willis as Officer John McClane. A piece of casting that was controversial at the time because until this film Willis was only known for comic performances.
This Christmas fairy tale revolves around New York cop McClane traveling to L.A. to see his wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) and his kids, after they relocate for Holly’s career while John stays in the Big Apple. Meeting Holly at her place of business Nakatomi Plaza, while they are in the middle of a Christmas party, he meets affable boss Joe Takagi (James Shigeta) and coke snorting douchebag Ellis (Hart Bochner), before reuniting with his wife.
But, while all this is going on a group of terrorists/thieves take over the building, trapping everyone inside, and only John remains at large.
After witnessing the bad guy’s leader, Hans (the great Alan Rickman in his first film role) kill Takagi, John wages a one-man guerrilla campaign to free the hostages and his wife.
He is aided in his fight for survival by Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson), the first police responder, who talks to John via walkie talkie throughout the film, and is his life line.
There are many gun fights, fisticuffs, explosions, great dialogue, a dash of humour and solid character development throughout. And a sit ton of quotable lines.
Even the co-stars shine bright here. Cinematic assholes William Atherton and Paul Gleason playing reporter Thornburg and Dwayne T. Robinson respectively are a delight. Alexander Godunov’s unhinged villain Karl is awesome. De’voreaux White’s Argyle is fun, but not much is done with him. It also features classic ‘That Guy’ henchman Al Leong.
This is one of the best pieces of action cinema and is a near flawless piece of entertainment. And with some many repeated viewings over Christmas, it’s a classic that will not be going anywhere soon. Afterwards, why not watch the Christmas themed sequel too.
Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers.
Christmas, Bloody Christmas.
I watched the trailer months back and was blown away. I refused to read or watch any reviews beforehand. I am so glad I did. Wow! Just wow. Just what I wanted for Christmas this year.
This Shudder Original cocktail is equal parts The Terminator and Silent Night, Deadly Night, with a dash of real pop culture conversations, shaken in a cocktail shaker and poured over iced Giallo films. With a final girl garnish. This flick rocking ROCKS!
The conceit of the film is that the military developed robots with AI programming for war, but for some reason the program was scrapped and all the Bots were repurposed and reprogrammed for other things. In this case, many of the Bots were reprogrammed to be store Santa’s for the Christmas season. Replacing the need for unreliable drunks and ‘undesirables’ in that role.
But there is a bug in the new code and the glitch manifests itself in partly reverting to its military parameters. It basically kills anyone that is ‘naughty’ or gets in its way from it punishing the ‘naughty’.
Recorder store owner Tori (Riley Dandy) shuts up for the night on Christmas Eve, and heads to the bar with workmate Robbie (Sam Delich) after briefly stopping in to see friends there at the local toy store. Which is where the robotic Santa (Abraham Benrubi) is. When the couple in the toy store have sex, Santa grabs an axe and starts decorating the blood. And on their drunken walk home, zeros in on Tori and Robbie. Bloodbath is putting it lightly.
Written, directed and produced by Joe Begos this story has all the gifts you would want in a Christmas horror movie; the humour, the gore, the memorable performances, creepy atmosphere, the cinematography and lighting from a Dario Argento movie and a kick ass music score by Steve Moore utilising synth to heighten the pace and action of the scenes and giving life to the murderous machine.
This is a movie that knows full well what it is, and leans into all the references and homages it can. It couldn’t have happened without the genre classics of the past, but in many ways, this film surpasses them. A modern gem.
Don’t Open Till Christmas.
There are a lot of horror films that take place around Christmas. Some of them are good. Some effective thrillers with production values and acting, some stylistic slashers and some that are sleazy gore feasts. Some even have passion and talent behind them. And then there is this film.
The basics of this 1984 British holiday slasher, is that there is a serial killer knocking off men dressed in Santa suits. The story follows a few characters caught up in the events as well as Police Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom, also the film’s director) as he works the case. I have seen good, sometimes great, films in this genre with even a simpler plot, many slasher films, that do everything much better.
The killer is supposed to be the brother of Inspector Harris, who has been in a mental institution for years, who upon escaping, starts killing Santas in an effort to give his brother a ‘real’ case to solve. Sounds like a good idea, but it’s handled so badly, you wouldn’t know unless someone pointed it out. You know, something the film should be doing.
The problem with this film is that the director and star Edmund Purdom just walked off the set one day. Up and gone. And instead of waiting or cancelling the film, the producers decided to continue. First replacing the director with the film’s writer Derrick Ford, who himself was replaced by the editor Ray Selfe. It wouldn’t necessarily be a problem to replace the director, but he is also the star and the producers didn’t replace him in that role. So, the main character vanishes leaving the supporting cast to pick up the slack.
New and reshot footage were edited together with stuff Edmund shot to create a Franken-film that makes no sense. They tried to get around the muddled story by adding more sleaze, nudity and upping the gore to 11. And it didn’t work. Shocker!
I can’t recommend this film, unless you are curious about the complete ‘shit show’ flick. It’s fun to riff on this flick, but if you are a casual film goer or someone who is just getting into horror, steer clear of this tragedy. NOT A GOOD MOVIE.
Violent Night.
There is some discussion on whether films like Die Hard or Silent Night, Deadly Night are actually Christmas movies (Spoiler Alert: They are. So, shut up!). But what happens when you take the visual elements from Silent Night, Deadly Night, mix it with Die Hard, and add an unconventional Santa Claus character like Kurt Russell’s from The Christmas Chronicles, only with a drinking problem. You get the incredibly unique awesomeness of Violent Night.
Santa (the amazing David Harbour) is a little disillusioned with Christmas at the opening of the film, drinking in a pub in London on a break from the night, wondering why he is still doing all this. Then he arrives at the huge mansion of the Lightstone’s, full of rich asshats and lost souls, except for one little girl Trudy (Leah Brady) who not only is always on the “Nice” list, she has enough Christmas spirit for a whole town.
But then a group of heavily armed thieves, led by the code-named Scrooge (John Leguizamo), storm the house and take everyone hostage, demanding the 300 million dollars in the family’s personal vault.
When the thieves strike, Santa is actually in the house and gets caught up on the action, and to save a good kid and her family, battles the thieves, all of which are on Santa’s naughty list, and saves the day and Christmas.
This film does follow all the same beats as Die Hard, and is just as fun, but ends up being its own beast. Adding actual Christmas magic and whimsical ideas to a violent action movie gives it a lot of heart. The inventive action is on par with John Wick or Nobody. The humour is very well done, based around the situation and the character interactions. It fleshes out the characters and doesn’t take anything away from the story. It enhances it.
And having Santa’s backstory being that of a warrior Viking who left the killing behind to take up the mantle of Santa (maybe calling back to Tim Allen’s past performances) is a nice touch and a reason why he can take on the evil doers.
This movie will become a Christmas classic, cult or otherwise, sitting alongside those films that inspired it.
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Tis The Season Collection Part 1.
Hello there, peoples. Here is the first collection of my mini reviews for Christmas movies. Like what I did with Halloween, I’m watching one Christmas themes movie every day and writing a small review. Something bite-size that hopefully may inspire you to watch some of this oddball flicks. Hope you enjoy.
Lethal Weapon
First up for Christmas movies this year is a seasonal action movie that gets left out of the alternative holiday movies lists a lot. The 1987 Richard Donner directed action classic, Lethal Weapon.
This film, written by Shane Black (who has a strange fascination with setting his stories at Christmas) and tells the story of veteran homicide detective Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) who is close to retirement, working a case of a murdered girl who happens to be the daughter of his old war buddy Michael Hunsaker (the great Tom Atkins). He is also breaking in a new partner in the strung out and suicidal Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson in the role that cemented his worldwide stardom).
The investigation leads them to a group of ex-military mercenaries who smuggle heroin with Hunsaker’s help. Not being able to discount information Hunsaker told them, Rigg and Murtaugh and Murtaugh’s family, are put into the bad guy’s cross hairs. And many fights, shoot outs and explosions ensue. Oh, and it’s set at Christmas. In case you were wondering.
This film is a certified 80’s classic. The fashion and hairstyles alone should tell you that. It an action film with the hardcore violence, the humour which is now a staple of the buddy cop genre, and wrapped up in themes of redemption and family.
The leader of the villainous drug smugglers is played with great relish by veteran character actor Mitchel Ryan. He plays The General well enough but it’s his second in command Mr Joshua (Gary Busey) that is the main obstacle for our heroes. He is loyal to The General and is portrayed with menacing, and occasionally unhinged, zeal by Busey.
The chemistry of the two leads is on point and works well together. Their working relationship, and with that of the director Richard Donner seems natural. Like they had known each other for years. Which is probably why they returned to the universe they created three more times. And the cast of returning characters (family) grew with each installment.
This deserves its place in the 80s/cult classic list, and a must around Christmas if you are trying to avoid the more sentimental Hallmark style Christmas movies.
The Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special
This is the second of the Disney+ Marvel Special Presentations, and ‘Wow’ is this fun. I am always keen as mustard (anyone else think that is a weird saying) to see the Guardians in anything. So, I was like “Hell Yeah”.
The story centres around Drax and Mantis (Dave Bautista & Pom Klementieff) wanting to do something for Star Lord (Chris Pratt) on the Earth holiday of Christmas. And after a story that Kraglin (Sean Gunn) tells Mantis about how Yondu (Michael Rooker) ruined Christmas for Peter as a child, the two set out to get him the best Christmas gift of all time. That being the mighty warrior, Kevin Bacon. So, they travel to Earth to acquire/kidnap Mr Bacon, not knowing he is an actor.
There are elements of the fish out of water as Drax and Mantis have little to no knowledge of Earth at all except for the brief stories told to them by Star Lord. This is demonstrated upfront when an alien band (played by the Old 97’s) mastering Earth instruments and writing the funniest Christmas song ever.
Mantis and Drax bumbling around to find KB is hilarious. They make money posing for photographs, get drunk and dance at a bar, before getting the information from a celebrity’s home’s tourist map.
Kevin Bacon is so much fun here too, playing an everyman version of himself who is scared of our two do-gooders, and even better when Mantis uses her powers on him to become compliant.
Back at Nowhere, the town is decked out with mountains of Christmas decorations, Bacon is delivered and even sings a Christmas song with the alien band. But his best gift is something very different. That I will not spoil. Sorry.
This film really drives home that this band of misfits is a family and do care about each other. The atmosphere is light and fun, and a little irreverent. And all the characters get a chance to shine. And the soundtrack is amazing for a Christmas movie, but would you expect anything less from James Gunn. And the small animated sequences bring back nostalgia for the Star Wars Holiday Special from the early 80s. For better or worse. This is well worth a look.
Silent Night, Deadly Night
This Christmas Slasher movie from 1984 has a controversial past. Nothing in the way of behind the scene scandals or ultra-disturbing content. The controversy came about when parents’ groups with nothing better to do started to boycott and protest this film upon its release. What they objected to was the advertising campaigns depicting what they saw as a killer Santa Claus. The image was so offensive to them and they feared the damage done to the children. Children who did watch the film because it was R Rated, and was not made for them. And it’s a controversy that could have been quelled by a parent/child conversation. If it ever came up at all. I could go on, but I won’t.
This film centres around a young boy Billy, who as a young boy saw his parents murdered and his mother raped by a thief and murderer dressed as Santa. And as you would expect, this trauma damaged Billy for life. Billy and his baby brother Ricky grew up in an orphanage run by abusive nuns led by the Mother Superior (Lilyan Chauvia) , the films ‘true’ villain. A troubled kid being raised in the place was not great, worse around Christmas. Only Sister Margaret (Gilmer McCormid) was kind and caring to him.
And it’s Sister Margaret that, on his 18th birthday, got Billy a job at a local toy store (Billy now played by the hulking Robert Brian Wilson). And everything is perfect until, when the store loses its Santa, Billy is forced into doing it. His past traumas cause a mental break, and Billy kills anyone deemed to be naughty, in increasingly violent and creative ways, all the while dressed as jolly St. Nick.
Regardless of the controversy, this film has become a horror classic, especially around the festive season. The imagery on display, from the production design, to the cinematography, to the creative kills, are memorable and serve this tragic story well. The acting is hit and miss, like you would expect from a horror production of the era, but the story is excellent.
With more of a budget and some established actors, this movie could have risen above its ‘cult’ label, and become greater than its parts.
Definitely worth your time.
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
After the impact, and later success thanks largely to VHS rentals, Silent Night, Deadly Night became a franchise. It now boasts five films and a gory remake. But the franchise proper started with the first sequel in 1987 with the inventively titled Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.
This film is told by adult Ricky (Eric Freeman), the brother of Billy from the first film, as he recounts his story to a police psychiatrist about how he became a killer like his infamous bro. And like his brother, the path leads to the Mother Superior.
There is not much else to this story to mention. This movie works kinda ridiculous and acts like a ‘clip show’ for a sitcom. Almost half the running time is footage from the previous film as Ricky tells his story. Some of which the character was a new born baby, so buggered if I know how he remembered those events.
And what little ‘original’ story there is here, really doesn’t make all that much sense. It’s like the story, narration and flashbacks are a framing device for new scenes dreamed up that didn’t have any place in a narrative all its own.
The news kills in the film aren’t even that memorable, relying mainly on the footage from the first film to do the heavy lifting. The only bright spark in this lazy shitshow is the absolute batshit bonkers performance of Eric Freeman. Seriously, his delivery and facial expressions are unique to say the least. I mean, cartoon characters don’t emote like this guy. It’s Freeman that makes this movie and, for me at least, is the only reason this film has become a cult classic on the same level as its predecessor. One performance seems to cancel out many flaws in the film.
And the most infamous scene has even become a meme. If you don’t watch this movie, at least watch this scene. Type ‘silent night deadly night 2 garbage day scene’ into YouTube and enjoy.
For those casual viewers, best skip this film. This is a film purely for completionists and horror hounds.
It’s not even that Christmassy.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
This silly and sweet little movie is something I discovered in a 50 Packs of public domain Sci-Fi movies about 20 years ago. Yep, I’m that old. And it has had a place in my weird little heart ever since. The brief synopsis in IMDb pretty much sums up this Christmas oddity perfectly. “The Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents”. Would this make you watch it? If you’re anything like me the answer is YES.
The story goes like this. The children of Mars have been watching TV transmissions from Earth and they are a smash hit. But suddenly they became depressed over the Earth holiday of Christmas. Their parents are concerned.
So, after consulting a sour milk-smelling Yoda type that lives in a cave, they decide to kidnap Santa Claus to bring the meaning of this Christmas thing to the children of Mars. There is also a faction of the Martians who are against this.
Two human children are caught up in the action when they too are kidnapped when the Martians stop and ask them directions to ‘a’ Santa Claus. Kids and Santa are taken back to Mars, Santa seems to be an infectious good mood machine to the Martians (like slipping edibles into party snacks and not telling anybody). On Mars, Santa sets up a toy factory and prepares for the Christmas rush. He also stops an insurrection for the anti-Christmas faction. And everybody learns the true meaning of Christmas. Or something.
Honestly there is a lot more stuff in the film. Large doses of weird, and helping of wonderful, and a side of ‘Huh?’ But this film is fun.
It’s heartfelt, campy, full of overacting, and ridicules costumes and a robot that looks like it was made by a third-grade art class. This yuletide science fiction fantasy is goofy as hell and I love this slice of WTF.
And since this flick is in the public domain, you can watch the whole thing on YouTube or the film’s own Wikipedia page.
Merry Christmas. Now pass the Futuristic food pills.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Why this movie? Well, for two reasons. Firstly, this is both my favourite James Bond film and features my favourite Bond, George Lazenby. Bond films have always been entertaining, good, not so good, and bad (I’m looking at you Moonraker), but this film has always been the most ‘Bond’ to me. And secondly, a large majority of this film takes place around Christmas. Honestly that part is a given. And if you don’t believe me, remember that a major plot point is the villain sending brainwashed girls home to their various countries with special wrapped Christmas gifts containing a secret item of much badness.
In this film, Bond meets the Contessa Teresa “Tracy” di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg). After a usual Bond meets girl encounter, Bond wakes up to a missing girl and is kidnapped by some thugs. Thugs work for Tracy’s father Marc-Ange Draco, the head of a crime syndicate. Bond agrees to romance Tracy in exchange for Draco helping him find Ernst Stavro Blofeld (played this time by Telly Savalas. Ah, the 60s.
With the help of the usual agents, Draco, and genealogist Sir Hilary Bray, they not only track down Blofeld, but arrange a cover for Bond to go into the allergy-research institute atop Piz Gloria in the Swiss Alps that Blofeld has step up. But the evil bald one is using the brainwashed girls at the institute to deliver bacteriological warfare agents throughout the world via those Christmas presents, I mentioned up top.
This film is full of thrills, amazing stunt work, fight scenes, car chases (Duh!), and one hell of a great climax. With a large helping of snow.
First time Bond director does a good job here, it’s a pity he didn’t direct anymore.
One thing I love about this film, apart from everything I just mentioned, is that Bond actually falls in love with Tracy. And at the end of the film, they get married. Until she is killed in a drive-by by Blofeld as they drive off to their honeymoon. It’s a nice piece of character vulnerability we wouldn’t see again until 2006’sCasino Royale.
Why not do something a little different this Christmas and watch a little Bond, James Bond.
Black Christmas (1974)
The original Black Christmas is a great film. Period. Original because there are two remakes. This little Canadian gem takes place around the silly season and is one of the best horror films ever created. While you can point to films like Psycho and Peeping Tom, and some Giallo films, as a beginning of the slasher film, it is Black Christmas that first used many of the troupes that are considered standards for the genre. I repeat, Black Christmas, a Canadian film from 1974, did it BEFORE Halloween.
The story is a simple one. The college girls and their house mother in their sorority house are enjoying festivities before leaving for Christmas break. Then they receive a trolling phone call from someone they call “The Moaner”. This has happened before. When one of the girls mocks him, he breaks his pervy character and says quite flatly, ‘I’m going to kill you’.
Shortly after the first girl is killed and the roaming POV stalks and kills the remaining girls and calls the house before each murder. He remains unseen throughout the film.
This is also a good character driven piece. Everyone gets a chance to show their chops and the backstories of the main characters are woven into the film instead of an exposition dump that won’t flush. Jess and Barb (Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder) are the stand out amongst the girls.
There is even an interesting subplot concerning Jess wanting to get an abortion and her boyfriend Peter (Keir Dullea) flipping out. He is the films blatant red herring and the most date rape looking character in all of 70s cinema. And that is saying something.
The legendary John Saxon plays Lt. Ken Fuller. He seems to be the only cop that not only cares but is seen doing his job. He is outstanding.
Reginald H. Morris’ cinematography not only frames the tension well, but makes every image and camera move look like art. Bob Clark handled direction on this, who helmed another seasonal classic, with A Christmas Story. I think he was working through Christmas trauma on both films.
And it features the best ending of any slasher film of the 70s and 80s. Hands down. Watch and find out.
Anna and the Apocalypse
Do you want something completely out of left field to watch this Christmas? Something that has the seasonal sentimentally but also a good dose of cheeky and dark humour? How about some horror elements? Well, Have I got the movie for you?
2017s Anna and the Apocalypse is a Christmas, Comedy, Zombie Outbreak, Coming of age musical. And yes, you read that correctly. And this is freakin’ fun.
This British film is directed by John McPhail from a screenplay by Alan McDonald and Ryan McHenry, and ticks almost every box you can think of. Ella Hunt is Anna and lives in Scotland. She is still coming to terms with the loss of her mother and is at odds with her father (Mark Benton) who is also struggling with the loss and raising his daughter. She has the usual problems at school with rumours, bullies and authority figures. Her only bright spark is her friends Chris, Steph, Lisa and John (Christopher Leveaux, Sarah Swire, Marlie Siu and Malcom Cummings), the latter is her bestie who has a thing for her. As she prepares to finish school and leave, wouldn’t you know it, Zombies invade the small town. And at Christmas not less.
The comedy is on point throughout the film, especially the improvised Christmas themed weapons. The image of a teenage girl killing zombies with a massive decorative candy cane is priceless. Everyone from the actors, crew and the creators all knock it out of the park.
And the music is a treat for the ears. The tunes range from the throw away numbers, the catchy little earworms, sentimental ballads and rocking crowd pleasers. But, unlike other musicals, every song informs the characters emotions and motivations, or furthers the story. Or both. It is a surprising perfect balance. Especially in a film that flew under the radar.
And it does something that Disney hasn’t done right since the later 90s. Produces an amazing villain song with the “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now” sung by comedian Paul Kaye, who plays the main antagonist in Vice Principal Arthur Savage.
My advice: Find this movie. Both head and heart with thank you. And if not, at least listen to the soundtrack. Merry Christmas, Zombie Killers.
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“Wait. Who am I Here?” – Last Of Spooky Season Reviews of 2022.
And here, ghouls, is the final compilation of the Spooky Season reviews. They may be short, but its how I use them that counts.
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. But this is one of the first successful horror comedies. And in my opinion, a damn fine movie. It still makes me laugh like a crazy person, high as a kite, watching Road Runner cartoons at 3am.
This comes at the end of both Universal’s horror cycle and the waning of the comedy boom at Universal. The idea was to go out with one last hurrah for both by combining the talents of Abbott and Costello and Universal Studios big three monsters, Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula and The Wolf Man. But it wasn’t quite the last hurrah, as there were more Bud and Lou crossover movies with the classic monsters to come. Lease days they would just send them into space.
Anyway, the story starts as Larry Talbot, whilst in London makes a frantic phone call to a railway station in Florida, trying to stop a shipment. The two baggage handlers are Chick and Wilbur (played by Bud and Lou). Larry then turns into the wolf man in the middle of the phone call.
The shipments are two long crates headed towards McDougal’s House of Horrors, but actually contain a very alive Dracula (Bela Lugosi) in his coffin and a boxed by Frankenstein’s Monster (Glenn Strange). Later on, Talbot arrives to help. The ending is one hell of a cross between farce and slapstick and a real fight scene featuring all three monsters.
The amazing wordplay blended with slapstick that Abbott and Costello were known for is on display here. And they are in top form, despite that they were not happy with the film’s script. But the pairing of Bud frustrated straight man and Lou’s dim-witted comic with the Universal monsters was a stroke of comedy genius. And I think this is the best thing that they have done. Well, according to this old film nerd.
Bud and Lou, movie monsters, beautiful dames, amazing set pieces and Bela returning to play Dracula for the second and final time. What’s no to like? Oh, and a cameo by Vincent Price as the Invisible Man.
Chick Young:
Why don’t you go take a look at yourself in the mirror.
Wilbur Grey:
Why should I hurt my own feelings?
The Stepfather (1987)
This would have to be one of the best psychological horror films I’ve seen. And it’s masquerading as a slasher film. Add an amazing performance by Terry O’Quinn, and you have a cult classic, if not outright classic.
The film opens up with a bearded Henry (O’Quinn) going into the bathroom. He saves his beard, dresses in completely different clothes, and then with suitcase in hand, walks out of this house whistling ‘Camp Town Races’. Leaving the dead and mutilated bodies of his family behind him.
Cut to a few years later, and Henry is now a real estate agent named Jerry Blake in the quiet suburbs of Seattle. He also has a new family having married widow Susan Maine (Shelley Hack) and has become stepfather to Stephanie (Jill Schoelen).
Stephanie has a lot of issues revolving around the death of her father, and is very suspicious of Jerry. Even after her therapist suggests giving Jerry a chance, she decides to find out everything about him. And this starts a chain of events that leads to many people dying so Jerry can keep his secret and his new family. The climax, which is creepy in places, is a tension filled thrilling set piece.
I do like this movie. O’Quinn is charming as the broken man who just wants to have a family. He brings a lot of emotion to the role in both his ‘nice guy’ and ‘evil serial killer’ modes. Even though he is a killer, you kind of root for the guy to get what he wants. In short, O’Quinn is amazing. I would recommend seeing this film just for him.
The same can’t be said of the character of Stephanie. She comes off as this batty little bitch who uses her tragedy to basically ruin another human being. She is redeemed in the story because she just happens to be right about Jerry. There is little to like about her. Her mother Susan is a fuller character, but with less to do in the film.
There is a subplot in the film about Jerry’s ex-brother-in-law that goes nowhere. Missed opportunity there.
This is a great movie you should check out. It also spawned a good sequel, a bad third instalment and a shitty remake in 2009.
Elvira’s Haunted Hills (2002)
This is another one of those movies you can just have fun with at Halloween, alone or with friends. This is Cassandra Peterson’s follow-up (not sequel) to Elvira: Mistress of the Dark.
The story takes place in 1851 in the Carpathian Mountains, as travelling entertainer Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) and her put upon servant Zou Zou (Mary Jo Smith) are ousted from their hotel room into the street. After walking a while, they are picked up by a coach carrying Dr. Bradley Bradley (Scott Atkinson) who is headed to Castle Hellsubus. The two accompany him to the castle in hopes of getting a ride from there to Paris.
At the castle they meet Lord Hellsubus (Richard O’Brien) and his second wife Lady Ema (Mary Scheer) who act very odd towards Elvira. Also in the mix are the other residents of the Castle, the sickly Lady Roxanna Hellsubus (Heather Hopper) and the romance novel cover model Adrian The Stable Stud (Gabriel Andronache). And everyone is entangled in a story full of crumbling castles, ghosts, affairs a torture dungeon and gothic betrayal.
Oh, and did I mention, this is a comedy. And an out there one. It has theatrical and even campy performances, tongue in cheek set pieces, boobs, an over dose of sexual double entendre, a heroine who speaks like she is from the twenty-first century and more forth walls breaks than a Deadpool story.
This film was written as an homage to the Hammer Horror films and Roger Corman’s Edgar Allen Poe movies of the 60s. As well as everything Vincent Price. It’s not an outright parody, but it has fun within the confines of the setting. And even busting out of it a time or too.
O’Brien’s unhinged oddball performance is a highlight here, as is Adrian’s dialogue not matching his lip movements like a bad dubbing common in Italian horror movies of the period. But the show, as always, belongs to Peterson’s Elvira, who never strays too far away from the comedy that made her a household name on TV. The story and dance number that comes out of nowhere is even choreographed by the best in the business and friends of Peterson’s.
If you like Mistress of the Dark, you will love Elvira’s Haunted Hills.
Beetlejuice (1988)
It’s Showtime!
It wouldn’t be Spooky Season without something Tim Burton related. I picked one of my all-time favourites, the 1988 supernatural comedy, Beetlejuice. Now, if you don’t enjoy this movie. You have serious issues that you need to work out. Until then, you belong over there.
Beetlejuice tells the story of Barbara and Adam Maitland (Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin), a young couple living the idyllic life in a small country town, who unfortunately die in a car accident in the middle of their home renovation vacation. They return to their beloved house as ghosts. And there is a strange book in their house now, Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
After the Deetz family, Charles, Delia and Lydia (Jeffery Jones, Catherine O’Hara & Winona Ryder) move in, they decide they have to get them out. They use the book to visit the limbo-like world to visit their haunting caseworker Juno (Sylvia Sidney) who advises them of their options. Their hauntings fail, and come off as party games rather than scares. In the commotion, Delia’s friend Otho (Glenn Shadix) finds the Handbook, and develops plans to force the Maitland’s to do his bidding.
In desperation, the Maitland’s employ the services of a bio-exorcist, Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton). And that’s when things heat up, ending in a visual feast of a climax.
This movie is Burton at the height of his creativity. Everything works here, despite the odd plot hole. Makeup, set and production design, greenscreen effects, stop motion animation, costume design and the icon and memorable score by Danny Elfman all blend well to make the cocktail that is this cult classic comedy. In a cast of amazing performances, Michael Keaton as the titular Beetlejuice is the stand out for sure.
This movie is endlessly quotable, eternally watchable, and is constantly discovered and re-discovered. It has launched a server of memes, an animated series, more merch to rival a sci-fi geekdom, a Broadway musical (not kidding there), and more reimagining and fan art than the internet can contain.
This movie not only has an amazing legacy and a passionate fan base, it is also a GREAT film.
So, fire up this gem, and in the words of the ghost with the most, “Let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose”.
Terrifier (2016)
Do you like unapologetic slasher films? Do you like the odd creepy clown movie? Well, have I got the flick for you. 2016’s Terrifier is a mean spirited and effective little slasher film made on a small budget of $35, 000 and became a cult classic almost instantly.
Written and directed by Damien Leone, this movie successfully gives us a movie monster for the 21st century to rival the big slasher icons of the 80s.
The film takes place on Halloween night. Two friends, Tara (Jenna Kanell) and Dawn (Catherine Corcoran) leave a Halloween party drunk and tired. On the way to their car, they notice a strange man in a clown costume, who then follows them into a pizzeria when they decide to grab a bite to eat. Art The Clown (David Howard Thornton) starts to creep them out, so they leave. Unbeknownst stalked by the evil party entertainer. They discover their tyres are slashed so they call Tara’s sister Vicky (Samantha Scaffidi) to come and get them. While they are waiting, they ask Mike (Matt McAllister), a pest control worker, if they can pop into the building that he is working on to use the bathroom while they wait. He agrees. But Art follows them in and the blood-soaked carnage begins.
This movie manages to creep me. I mean, seriously unnerve me, and that rarely happens anymore after all the horror films I have consumed. The all-practical effects used for the kills are extremely effective. The mean, almost sleazy presentation, not only is it a call back to the glory days of the R-rated slasher film, but is a revelation watching this film unfold.
There is one makeup job for a character that bookends the film is quite impressive. And there is one death scene involving a hacksaw which is a definite set piece of the film. I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it. And for those who have, you know what I am talking about.
The acting is pretty good here. But the wordless performance by actor and mime Thornton as Art The Clown is the obvious standout.
Art did appear in two short films that later appeared in the 2013 anthology film All Hallows’ Eve. And this year Terrifier 2 hits theatres worldwide. If you are a fan of hard slashers, please check this out.
Popcorn (1991)
Thanks to The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Haunted Halloween Hangout on Shudder, I finally got a chance to see the film Popcorn. It has been on my list for a long while now.
The film claims the involvement of Bob Clark, the director of the classic 70s horror film, and proto-slasher, Black Christmas. So, right off the mark, the film has horror legs. But the reason I was desperate to watch this, is that the film centres around film, filmmaking and film gimmicks in a hard candy shell of a slasher film.
The film starts with a heroine, Maggie (Jill Schoelen) having strange recurring dreams about a man trying to kill her. She is a film student and wants to turn them into a movie one day. Maggie’s classmates and teacher, in a way to get the new film program at the university some attention, decide to put on a show. They rent an old theatre, The Dreamland, and show three classic horror films in a marathon. All the films had a William Castle style gimmick attached to them. 3D, Shock-O-Scope and Odorama. They get everything they need from Dr Mnesyne (Ray Walston); the owner and curator of a film memorabilia shop to put on the show. Decked out in costumes, and a fixed-up theatre, they are ready to go. But there is a killer among the customers. Or is it one of the students? And people start dying in elaborate ways.
One nice touch I liked is the movies within the movie. We see parts of the three films that the students show. These are not snippets from existing films, these are little sequences filmed for Popcorn. And they are just fun to watch. There is also a subplot that connects to the main plot of a crazed film cult from the 70s who’s leader liked to make art films. When his film Possession is mocked by critics, he tries to kill his followers at a screening in theatrical fashion.
This film is a mess. It really is. Plot holes and continuity problems abound. But it has some marvelous ideas and a memorable villain. The filmmakers were obviously fans of old Hollywood genre films. And the cast is a mix of classic character actors, horror icons and fresh young faces. Not a bad way to spend 90 minutes. Endlessly riff-able.
Wendell and Wild (2022)
So that last film I watched this Halloween was not an R-rated gore fest. It was a glorious stop motion animated feature, brimming with talent and released on Netflix.
Wendell and Wilde, tells the story of Kat Elliot (Lyric Ross), an embittered, punk rock-loving juvenile delinquent, as she starts at a private Catholic school in the town of Rust Bank. She had lost her parents in a car accident years before, and after spending some time in Juvenile Detention, she has made her way to the school run by Father Best (James Hong). She avoids the other students as much as possible, but makes a friend in trans boy Raúl (Sam Zelaya).
Kat has a dream about two demons, Wendell and Wild (Keegan-Michael Key & Jordan Peele) who tell her she is a Hell Maiden and if she can summon them to the living world, they can bring her parents back to life with their father Buffalo Belzer’s (Ving Rhames) hair cream.
So, she steals a cursed bear from Sister Helley (Angela Bassett) to guide her and Raúl to the cemetery to raise the demons, who just want to build the Dream Fair, and possibly Kat’s parents.
Then the comedy of errors begins, as many of the dead are resurrected, evil property developers plan to destroy the town and the school to build a prison, Belzer comes to the surface to get his sons and the magical hair cream, the unpredictable titular characters and guided by Sister Helley and the odd Manberg (Igor Naor), Kat finds out what a Hell Maiden is capable of. So, just your average coming of age story.
This story is great. Directed by stop motion king Henry Selick, responsible for The Nightmare Before Christmas, James and the Giant Peach and Coraline, and co-written by Selick and Jordan Peele, who also produced.
I personally think this film is better than Nightmare Before Christmas, with its darker humour, kick-ass punk rock soundtrack, misunderstood characters, and amazing visual style. Seriously, the horror visuals from background to character design is freakin’ awesome. This may go down as a Halloween classic to rival anything Disney could hope to offer.
Oh, and if Gabby Goat doesn’t melt your heart, your ass needs the magical hair cream.
Bonus Review: The Relic (1997)
One last little review before I say goodbye to Halloween 2022.
This film, The Relic, is a horror film. Duh! But it is full of suspense, action, great atmosphere, A-list actors delivering great performances and one hell of a freakin’ cool monster. It is a creature feature after all.
An anthropologist for the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago is studying a tribe in South America where he drinks a special soup made by the tribesmen. After getting into an argument a little later with a merchant ship captain about the cargo, he sneaks aboard. The cargo is headed for his museum.
Later at the museum, a series of grizzly deaths featuring the extraction of part of the victims’ brains starts happening in and around the Museum. An evolutionary biologist, Margo Green (Penelope Ann Miller), and Detective Lt. Vincent D’Agosta (Tom Sizemore) start working on the mystery from different angles, and when they connect, the monster is revealed. And there is much carnage, screaming, and wetting of pants.
This flick is cool in so many ways. Some may complain about the film being too dark, but I don’t think that is an issue. That, to me, just adds to the atmosphere and the building of tension. The creature effects were handled by Stan Winston and his team, and they did present to us a very unique movie monster that does not get enough credit. Unless you were a dinosaur, Hollywood movies were hard on movie monsters in the 90s.
The director Peter Hyams made a name for himself doing thrillers, but has always tried to find films in other genres to stretch his range. In doing so, he not only gave us The Relic, but the High Noon in space flick Outland (1981), one of my all-time favourite buddy cop movies Running Scared (1986), The Presidio (1988), The oddball comedy Stay Tuned (1991), the Van Damme action sci-fi flick Timecop, and the apocalyptic End of Days (1999). And that is just a taste. When this journeyman director takes on a monster movie, you know it’s going to be special.
One last little shout out to the character actors Linda Hunt, James Whitmore and Clayton Rohner to do well with their small roles.
Thanks for joining me this Halloween. Ciao.
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“Oh well, there’s nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there’s lots of sex and violence.” – More Spooky Season Reviews.
And here is part three on me being a film geek this Halloween.
Glorious (2022)
This is the kind of genre filmmaking I love. A good story told well, told on a small scale with larger implications. What makes it doubly impressive to be is that it is entirely character driven between two characters trapped in one room. Oh, and did I mention it is also a cosmic horror film with a nice twist. Well, it is. So there.
Wes (Ryan Kwanten) is on a road trip and is starting to nod off. We see flashes of what he is leaving behind. A woman & the end of a relationship. He pulls over to a rest stop to wake up. After a brief interaction with a woman who helps him work a vending machine, she leaves Wes alone. He precedes to burn the remains of his old life and get rotten drunk.
The next morning, he wakes up on the ground, hung over and with no pants, just boxers. Suddenly Wes runs into the public restroom, straight into a stall and vomits for a comically long time. Then a voice from the next stall asks if he is okay. The voice, as it is later revealed, is a God named Ghat (voiced by J K Simmons) who we see only in the tiniest of glimpses.
Ghat tells Wes that they are linked. He for he was made by an elder god to destroy all life. But he has grown attached to humans and wishes to save them by going back to the ether. But to do this he needs a part of Wes he must give freely.
The whole film is an emotional wordplay, a conversation between man and God (Simmons at his best here). The humour is amazing and made me chuckle whilst knowing that there is something else under it all. And the twist is a lovely touch, that puts into sharp focus the motivation of the two main characters. And the allusions to H P Lovecraft’s work made this old horror geek happy.
The director Rebakah McKendry, this being her third feature, is damn good. She uses the one set well, uses lighting more effectively than most seasoned filmmakers and uses practical and CGI mixed together for maximum effect.
This film should be on everyone’s list. It’s on Shudder right now.
Queer for Fear and 101 Scariest movies Moments of all Time.
Something a little different today. After I watched Glorious of Shudder, I started watching two docu-series. The episodes are being released weekly, so it isn’t all out yet.
The first is Queer for Fear. It’s a series that looks at the representation, in all its forms, of the LGBTQ+ community in horror films. It also looks at horror stories and characters in the genre through a queer lense.
The documentary series does have the talking heads that most film docos have. These talking heads are actors, writers, directors and other filmmakers talking about and examining these films and characters and the last nature of them.
This is a good series. I mean, very good. I love these kinds of docos about films that teach me something I didn’t know or hadn’t considered before. And entertain you at the same time. Only three episodes down at the moment, and more coming. Shudder has been knocking it out of the park with doco features and series. If you have Shudder check this out, and follow it with Horror Noir. Well, worth it.
The other series, currently with more episodes (6 at the time of writing), uses the title of The 101 Scariest Horror Movie Moments of All Time. And it is exactly what it has on the tin. Its actors, director, writers, comedians, and fans discuss the Scariest Moments in the history of film, with each episode dealing with a certain number of ‘moments’. For example, episode one covers 101 – 89, episode two covers 88 – 76, and so on. These kinds of series are really fun for me. They allow me to relive the past, relive these movies, and think about why I love them. And I can build up a list of rewatches, or add to the list of must watch for those titles I hadn’t seen. So far there is only one I haven’t seen, Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s 2001 J-Horror, Pulse. It’s on my list now.
If you have Shudder, I would check both of these series out. Informative and fun and you may fill up your Halloween viewing list pretty quickly. And while you’re there, check out some of the other documentaries they have. Behind the Monsters and Cursed Films are both good.
Halloween Ends (2022)
So, you know this was going to happen at some point this month. A Halloween Season without talking about a Halloween movie just seems wrong somehow. The franchise is as old as I am, and this horror fan has always felt a kinship of sorts to these movies.
Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the new trilogy that started in 2018 with Halloween (following on directly from the 1978 Halloween), and followed by Halloween Kills in 2020, ignoring everything else.
This film takes place four years after the events of the last film as the town and the remains of the Strode family try to move on. Laurie (the great Jamie Lee Curtis) has bought a house in Haddonfield and lives there with her granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichak). Laurie is trying to write a book and Allyson is working as a nurse in a clinic.
A new secondary story is added also. That of Corey (Rohan Campbell), a young man who was involved in a babysitting incident year’s prior and has become demonised by the town. We follow him as he tries to navigate life in a town that hates him and his transformation after meeting Laurie and Allyson, the latter he begins a relationship with. His transformation takes a dark turn when he discovers the hiding Michael Myers, after he disappeared at the end of the last film. The two form a silent teacher/student dynamic. And the story moves forward to a brutal conclusion.
This film seems to have been attacked, but I’m not entirely sure why. It’s a great entry. It adds something different and new to the horror dining table while keeping all the delicacies and side dishes.
Treating the town as, not only infected by its own fear, anger and uncertainty, but also by the very nature of pure evil personified by Michael Myers is a wonderful touch and makes the unfolding story more engaging. Adding the character of Corey, being the most altered by the effects of the nightmare, someone you begin to care about, makes this film more important than the last.
Directing, cinematography and editing are all tight, but serve the story. Carpenter’s score is another masterpiece. And the ending is final. And I want to be Will Patton’s Frank when I grow up.
And yes, that is the original Shape Nick Castle cameoing as the flasher in the party.
Cast A Deadly Spell (1991)
Have you ever heard of this film? No! What a shame. This flick is a wild ride.
The film was released in 1991 by HBO. That’s right. This is a TV movie, from back when HBO briefly gave a shit about original genre movies. The talent involved here elevated the material from the usual fare.
Written by Joseph Dougherty (the remake of Attack of the 50Foot Woman), directed by Martin Campbell, who has helmed Goldeneye, Casino Royale and The Mask of Zorro, and produced by The Terminator producer Gale Anne Hurd. What, not impressed yet. It stars the Kurgan. Ah, now you’re listening.
The film takes place in an alternate 1948 Los Angeles. A world where everyone uses magic. A world where mystical creatures exist alongside the then modern world.
The story revolves around ex-cop Private Investigator Harry Phillip Lovecraft (Fred Ward) as he takes a case from millionaire Amos Hackshaw (David Warner) to retrieve his stolen Necronomicon. He was hired because Harry doesn’t use magic.
His investigation brings him face to face with his ex-partner and now gangster Harry Bordon (Clancy Brown) and his old flame Connie (Julianne Moore, this films femme fatale) who works as a singer in Harry’s nightclub. Along the way, Harry navigates around zombie henchmen, gremlins, a killer gargoyle, and Amos’ daughter Olivia (Alexandra Powers), the virginal last of the unicorn hunters.
As you can expect, there is mystery, betrayal, sexual tension, classic dialogue and a good dose of humour. And the climax is pretty cool, in a nostalgic way.
The film is a mashup of horror (specially the H P Lovecraft Cthulhu mythos) and the detective Film Noir genre of the classic Hollywood era. Surprisingly, this actually works.
The special effects don’t completely hold up, but the story and performances more than make up for that. And it even has a positive, but outdated, representation of a trans woman.
This movie is so fun. It drips with imagination and joy in a horror tale that feels like anything but. It has always been one of my favourite Friday night movies.
Physical media of this film are hard to find (believe me, I’m still looking) but you can find it on streaming services. Find it, if you can, and enjoy this fun oddity.
Chopping Mall (1986)
This is the kind of movie that is so of the 1980s, that the 80s would look at you and say, “Yeah, I was going through some shit back then.” This film has a delightfully goofy premise, but damn is it fun.
Chopping Mall is a Roger Corman produced, Jim Wynorski directed horror film that is almost a slasher. It features robots that look like R2D2 and Johnny Five made a baby.
A big mall in California agreed to just robotic security sentries at night to patrol the mall. They are equipped with knock out darts, tasers, and for some reason lasers that can be fired out of their eye. Yeah, what could go wrong.
A group of teenagers (in their 30s) decide to lock themselves in the furniture store that some of them work in for an all-night party. Which in 80s fashion features more drinking than an alcoholic’s fever dream, loud music, and hook-ups (with all that visually entails). When a lightning storm strikes the mall, it almost destroys the computer controlling the robots. And they go on a crazy rampage. The kids have to fight to get out.
You may think this sounds a bit stupid, and it is, but it is made incredibly well for its small budget. Mainly because they use an actual location in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, a massive mall that was featured in films like Terminator 2, Commando, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And they use it for all its worth. That allowed the budget to get to the robots, effects and actors in front of the camera. And they do an awesome job.
The actors pull off their parts with ease and are all given little character quirks that inform who they are before opening their mouths. Barbara Crampton is the stand out with her more impressive career. Kelli Maroney from Night of the Comet, plays the final girl with hidden talents wonderfully.
This movie drips the 80s all over the floor. From the effects and imagination, to the music, fashion and hair (Oh God, the hair), it may be over the top but it is all the better for it. This movie is best enjoyed with friends.
Chopping Mall also has one of the best exploding head sequences since Scanners.
Elvira Mistress of the Dark (1988)
IF you don’t watch Elvira Mistress of the Dark in October, do you even Halloween?
For those who don’t know, Elvira was a creation of the amazing Cassandra Peterson, as a comedic host for late-night show Elvira’s Movie Macabre. And the character became an instant hit and a cultural icon. So much so that in 1988 the character got her own movie. This movie is so fun. Seriously, if you don’t like this film, you’re dead to me. And no, I will not be reanimating your corpse.
In the film, Elvira (Peterson) quits being a horror host on TV after her new boss sexually harasses her. Wanting to start up a Vegas act, she needs $50,000 in stake money to make it happen. Upon learning she is a beneficiary of her late Morgana’s estate, she high-tailes it to Fallwell, Massachusetts, to claim the inheritance. Only to find that inheritance consists of an old mansion, a recipe book, and her aunt’s poodle, Algonquin.
She tries to make the best of her situation, befriending the owner of the local movie theatre Bob (Daniel Greene) and many of the town teenagers. But the rest of the town is made up of puritanical party poopers and tries to run her out of town. What wakes it worse is her evil Uncle Vincent Talbot (the great W. Morgan Sheppard), who is actually a warlock, is obsessed with obtaining Morgana’s recipe book, actually a spell book, as Morgana was a powerful witch who up until her death bested Talbot at every turn. Elvira now must use the book to defeat Talbot, save the town, the world, and get her Vegas show.
I love the humour in this film. Everybody looks like they were having fun here, and it shows. Petersen excels here, with the natural charm, strength, beauty, and comedy of the character. Everything about her is memorable, down to her car and the look she gives her dog. And while everything is mostly played for laughs, the creature and makeup effects are damn cool. And there are some awesome set pieces.
This is the reason Elvira is an icon. Feminist, comedic and horror icon. All fit her, like her figure-hugging dress.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Imagine if you will, Dennis Hooper dressed as a Texas lawman, wielding a massive chainsaw, with two others strapped to his body, screaming out, “I’m the lord of the harvest!” before getting into a sword like duel with Leatherface. Imagine no further, just watch the great Tobe Hooper’s follow up to his iconic horror classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.
This was one of the three films Tobe Hooper made for Canon Films in the 80s, the others being Lifeforce and the remake of Invaders From Mars. All masterpieces in their own ways. But this one has a wicked sense of humour and bat shit insane delivery. And I freakin’ love it.
This film sees the return of the Sawyer family, the strange family of oddball cannibals from the first. The film starts with two idiots calling a local radio station to talk to the DJ Stretch (Caroline Williams) on the car phone as they drunkenly shoot at road signs. They are live on air, as a pick-up truck carrying Leatherface and his chainsaw attack. The two idiots do not survive.
Lieutenant Boude “Lefty” Enright (Dennis Hopper) arrives to investigate the killings. He has spent years looking into the disappearance of his niece and nephew, victims from the first film. He is contacted by Stretch with the recording of the attack. Lefty convinces her to replay the recording on air, to lure out the killers. Stretch is visited at the radio station by Chop Top (Bill Moseley) and Leatherface. And everything heads towards an insane, wacky, brutal and blood-soaked climax.
Hooper has always made good movies, even his lesser stories are still pretty solid. Here he brings his sense of humour to bear on the proceeding, not just retelling the same story but racketing up everything to eleven. While Dennis Hooper is amazing to watch, it’s Bill Moseley’s performance that has become a fan favourite.
Everything is done well here. Cinematography gives a beautiful backdrop to the insanity, the lighting tells a lot of the story, and the production design, especially the Sawyers hideout, are freakin’ off the wall.
Even if you don’t like these kinds of movies, you have to watch it at least once. It has to be seen to be believed.
Cellar Dweller (1988)
I hadn’t actually seen this movie before. Being from Empire International Pictures, Charles Band’s company before Full Moon, I’m not sure how I could have missed it. Scrolling through a streaming site, I came across a cover, the top poster and the cast list mentioned Jeffery Combs. So, you knew I had too.
Cellar Dweller is a horror fantasy film made in the glorious 80s era of through everything at the wall, and see what sticks. In the beginning of the story, we see comic book artist Colin Childress (Jeffery Combs) working in this basement studio. He is the creator of a popular horror comic called Cellar Dweller. But he adds passages from an old spell book to give the tales a bit of flare. But this brings the monster he has created on the page to life and kills a woman living in the house. Childress dies killing the monster.
Years later, Childress’s biggest fan and fellow comic book artist moves into Childress’ old house, now an exclusive artist’s retreat. Whitney Taylor (Debrah Farentino) plans to revive the Cellar Dweller comics she loves so much. She moves into the basement and finds the old spell book reads from it, and the Cellar Dweller for her artwork comes to life and starts taking out the mean and snooty asshats that make Whitney’s life hell. And then things end out of hand, to put it lightly.
This movie has a really good idea. I mean really, really good. But like many low budget films, its execution becomes limited due to lack of means. Like your eyes being too big for your stomach in reverse. And at times it suffers from pacing issues that slow down the film. It’s only a brisk 77 minutes and it feels padded. I think the film could have benefited from a rewrite and a tighter editing job.
The creature is well done and effective for the film’s budget, and the actors do an amazing job with the material they had. And being an artist myself, I got a kick out of the artwork created for the film.
In the end, not a bad film. But it should have been a good film, at the very least. Instead of a merely passable one. I like it for what it was.
Needed more Jeffery Combs.
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‘We Have Such Sights to Show You’: More Spooky Season Reviews
Here is the second of the social media reviews for the month of Halloween One review a day. I am collecting them here in Part Two. Enjoy. Or not. Whatever floats your boat. Just remember, Jason Vorhees waiting under the water for you.
The Black Cat (1934)
Seattle down. This is an Edgar Allan Poe adaptation in name only. Based more on a story by director Edgar G Ulmer and screenwriter Peter Ruric. But that doesn’t mean this film is bad or even ‘less than’ in any way. This is a gothic horror classic filled with memorable characters, and kick-ass and dark story, twisted imagery, directorially and cinematographically above the average and the pairing to the two leads, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. It’s a lot of cool packed into a run time of 65 minutes.
Newlyweds Peter and Joan Alison (David Manners & Julie Bishop) are on their honeymoon in Hungry when they are joined in their train carriage by Dr Vitus Werdegast (Lugosi), a psychiatrist. Years before he fought in WW1 and is journeying to visit an old friend Hjalmar Poelzig (Karloff), with whom he has unfinished business.
Later the three travellers are sharing a bus, which crashes, forcing all of them to take refuge in the modern gothic mansion of Poelzig. Here our couple are essentially held prisoner by Poelzig, and become unwilling pawns in a battle of wills between Werdegast and Poelzig, the latter the head of a Satanic cult.
This film has similar elements to a film I have already covered this Halloween season, that of The Devil Rides Out. Featuring a Satanic cult leader hell bent on getting what he wants and a hero turn for Lugosi who, like Lee in the Hammer film made three decades later, was best known playing villains and a certain Count.
Shot in glorious black and white, the cinematography is stunning, playing with light and shadow more in the vein of a German silent expressionist film than a classic Universal film.
The two leads are just a delight to watch as they chew scenery and try to outperform each other. While Karloff is good, Lugosi’s performance outshines him in a career best.
The twist is a ‘Damn’ moment and the resulting final scene is a shocker and it is something that in post code Hollywood wouldn’t have been added. It’s a sight to see indeed.
Great movie. But unfortunately, light on cats.
Werewolf By Night (2022)
I have always been a big fan of comics and of Horror fiction. When I discovered Werewolf By Night, I loved it instantly. So, I watched Marvel’s Special Presentation of Werewolf by Night last night. And I fell in love again. At only 52 minutes in was a perfect story that calls back to the single-issue comics stories of the past. And what a tale.
A group of hunters attend a funeral/hunting ritual after Ulysses Bloodstone dies. They are there to hunt for a monster in the maze-like garden, all hunters for themselves, to win the bloodstone and its power. But one of the hunters, Jack Russell (Gael Garcia Bernal) also happens to be a werewolf. And he isn’t there for the bloodstone, he is there to rescue the monster, Man-Thing (aka Ted). Alliances are made, bad guys revealed, and it all culminates in a massive showdown between werewolf and villainous cult. To quote the Kool Aid guy, “Oh, Yeah!”.
This movie just looks amazing. And I’m not talking about the fight scenes and special effects, although they are top notice. What I’m referring to is the ‘look’ of the film. The film looks and feels like a throwback to the Universal and RKO horror movies of the 30s and 40s. From the title cards, and the music, to the black & white photography and the hazing quality of each frame. They even include the tell-tale cigarette burns in the corner some frames. And Jack’s transformation is done via shadows with what looks like 2D animation, the same way they achieved such a transformation in the golden age of Hollywood. And even when they do transition to colour at the end of the film, it looks and feels like old school Technicolor you would expect to see in Wizard of OZ or Gone With the Wind.
And the choice of director, Michael Giacchino, who is primarily a film composer, was a daring move that did pay off. Great little film and hopefully we’ll get more of Marvel’s horror content in the near future.
And you will love Ted.
I, Madman (1989)
What’s this? A 1980s horror film that I hadn’t heard of? What sorcery is this. I ran across it on Tubi (the US version) and saw Jenny Wright’s face on the poster and I was in. She was in one of my fav horror flicks Near Dark.
The film centres around Wright’s Virginia. She is a bookish woman, who works in a bookshop and is always reading. While she is attractive, she is quiet and is always scaring herself with the horror stories she loves to read. She has become obsessed with the two novels written by author Malcolm Brand. She refers to them a dark, twisted and brutal but written with passion. The second book I, Madman is hard to find. Until it is left at her door.
Virginia’s imagination is very vivid, and we see the stories as they play out in her head while she reads. And the cast of characters are made up of people from Virginia’s life.
But when people start dying like there avatars in the book, one hell of a gruesome murder mystery unfolds that may or may not have a supernatural element behind it all.
There are many question the film puts forward about its story and the characters. Is the killer a serial killer using the books as a guide? Is it the author back from the dead doing the killing? Is it a ghost? Is it a trapped evil that was lying dormant within the pages until someone starting reading? Or Is our heroine slowly losing her mind? And to the film credit, it doesn’t ease you into to the reveal, you have to wait until the final 10 minutes of the film. And is pretty impressive. Its true what Doctor Who says, books are the best weapons.
The set design, make-up effects and the cinematography are pretty good here. There is a sense of unease that follow the characters through story. The in-scene transitions from real world to the world of the story are seamless and wonderfully done. And credit to the director Tibor Takas, he directed one of my all-time favourite 80s horror films with The Gate, and here he has upped his game. I only wished he directed more horror content.
This imaginative film, is every sense, is well worth a look. It’s such a good suspenseful murder mystery, you forget it’s a horror/fantasy film at heart.
Frightmare (1981)
Sometimes you come across a film by accident. After I watched I,Madman on Tubi, the next film started playing. And with Frightmare, the opening title card declared it was released by Troma Entertainment. So, I was like, ‘Why not’.
Frightmare, not to be confused with a film from 1974, is a supernatural slasher film with comedic elements. This is also the first horror film starring the great Jeffrey Combs. I was hoping this film was going to be good. But to be honest, I don’t know if I liked this film or not. I mean, it’s not a good film. But that doesn’t mean a bad film is boring, which is true here. It is definitely not boring, and there is some stuff to like here. But after I finished it, I was left a bit wanting.
The film centres around a group of friends and cinephiles. When their favourite horror actor, Conrad Razkoff (Ferdy Mayne) dies, they decide to steal his body after the funeral and have a party with Razkoff’s corpse as the guest of honour.
When news of the body’s theft makes the news, the late actor’s widow consults a medium/psychic. And in doing so the widow creates a supernatural curse that resurrects the actor to take his blood vengeance out on the students.
Seems like a good idea to me. I mean, I’ve seen great movies with a weaker or more simplified premise. Here the execution seems unfocused. There are some great visuals in the film, but they seem to be put into the film to hold the audience’s attention and nothing more.
And having the hammy actor who just wanted to be seen as a good actor, come back as a killer could have had a tragic weight to it. That is if he wasn’t presented as an egomaniac who we see kill two people who displeases him at the beginning of the film.
If you skip this film, you will not be missing much. And apart from an early performance from Jeffery Combs and Ferdy Mayne giving it his all, there isn’t much to recommend here.
Silver Bullet (1985)
I have often lamented the lack of werewolf content, and after Werewolf By Night, I revisited the first werewolf film I ever saw and one I have kept going back to and still enjoy to this day. That of course is, 1985s Silver Bullet.
It tells the story of wheelchair bound Marty Coslaw (Corey Haim) and his sister Jane (Megan Follows) as they begin to suspect that a rash of brutal killings happening in their town may not be the work of a human killer. Marty believes it to be a werewolf after having an encounter with the beast and slowly convinces his sister. They also gain help and support from the alcoholic Uncle Red (Gary Busey), who does quite believe them until the climax. Which is a pretty cool showdown.
Stephen King wrote the script for this one, based on his novella ‘Cycle of the Werewolf’, which was illustrated by cult artist Bernie Wrightson. Which is not bad considering the project didn’t start out as a book but a horror themed calendar.
The film has two distinct stories. The main plot of the siblings and the beast, and the other is the story of how the town deals with the deaths all around them. The clash of personalities of the town’s folk goes through the grief, fear and anger you would expect, which leads to the two best sequences in the film. One is the vigilante mob hunting the creature who gets picked off one by one as the creature stays hidden under heavy ground fog. And the other sees the town’s priest having a vision, mid-sermon, of the whole town transforming into werewolves in church.
The leads are all excellent here with Haim leading the way. The other cast standouts are Terry O’Quinn as the sheriff slowly losing control of the town, Lawrence Tierney as the gruff bartender, and Everett McGill as the Reverend Lowe, a man dealing with a crisis of faith and a supernatural curse.
If I were you, I would hunt this one down. Perfect 80s horror film that just flat out works. It is worth it for Gary Busey’s improv alone.
The Crow (1994)
I saw The Crow on opening day in Australia in 1994. Nothing could have kept me away. First day, first session, middle of the cinema, a Coke and popcorn, and a glorious movie. One I have watched every October since that day.
The Crow is based on the comic book created by James O’Barr as a way to deal with a very personal trauma. And if you have ever read the comic, it is a classic tome of grief, loss, anger, violence, regret and love. You feel every emotion.
The film tells the story of Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) and his bride to be Shelly Webster (Sofia Shinas) who are murdered in a home invasion on Halloween. One year later, Eric is resurrected to enact brutal revenge on those responsible for lives lost. The crow (an actual bird) brings him out of his grave and guides him to where he needs to be. And to those he needs to dispatch. He takes on the persona of the crow.
Along the way, Eric interacts with those that were left behind, including Sarah (Rochelle Davis) a street kid they sometimes look after, and Officer Albrecht (Ernie Hudson), an honest cop in a bad town trying to keep it together.
The villains of the piece are a bunch of violent oddballs and outcasts that all have a personality of their own. Michael Wincott and Bai Ling’s Top Dollar and Myca run the city with their aid Grange (Tony Todd) and their human weapons T-Bird (David Patrick Kelly), Fun Boy (Michael Masse), Tin-Tin (Laurence Mason), and Skank (Angel David). They are a delight to watch get their comeuppance.
The film is full of dark and almost impressionistic visuals, amazing cinematography and fight choreography, a gripping story, a truly transcendent score and soundtrack and features pitch perfect performances. None better than Brandon Lee, this being his final film, after a fatal on set accident ended the actor’s life before completion. Adding extra weight to the story told.
This is a cult classic film that is part of my evolution, as it is for many others. It deserves to be celebrated. So, watch it this Halloween, for Eric and Shelly.
And for Brandon.
Mr Harrigan’s Phone (2022)
I’m a big Stephen King fan. I always make a point of checking out adaptations of this work. The adaptations run the gamut of terrible to the best thing in entertainment. It depends on who is handling the project.
Mr Harrigan’s Phone, released on Netflix on 5th October, is a film that was handled well. The film was written and directed by John Lee Hancock, who had previously directed The Blind Side, Saving Mr Banks, and The Founder. And if you know those films, you may think him a strange choice to helm a King adaptation. But his background writing and directing more seriously dramatic films is an asset here, because this isn’t your typical horror/slasher fare.
The film centres around the young Craig, who just after losing his mother, strikes up a real friendship with a rich millionaire who hires Craig to read to him three times a week, despite Harrigan being anti-social. Apart from being paid for his time and being introduced to some of the best literature, Craig also gets a gift of a card and a scratch and win ticket at Christmas. The same Christmas he gets an iPhone, he receives a winning ticket. With some of the winnings, Craig buys Mr Harrigan an iPhone so they can keep in contact and teach Harrigan how to navigate the modern world.
But when Mr Harrigan dies, Craig says goodbye by placing his friend’s phone in his coffin with him. And calls or texts his late friend to talk, well aware is only one way. Until it isn’t.
While this being billed as a horror story and advertised as one, this is a dramatic character piece with a fantastic element about learning, growing up, growing old, loss, grief and acceptance. Don’t get me wrong, there are still the King mainstays, like the overly aggressive high school bully. But this is a slower mediative piece, beautifully shot and with amazingly real and heartfelt performances. Donald Sutherland is wonderful as the titular Harrigan (the man is incapable of giving a bad performance), and Jaeden Martell holds his own against the seasoned actor.
I recommend this. But if you’re after a more intense King experience, this isn’t for you.
Hellraiser (2022)
So, Hellraiser 2022, ‘Thank you’. This new entry restores my faith and love for this franchise. And it must have done likewise to Clive Barker, who was inspired to pen a new story because of this film.
This new tale revolves around Riley (Odessa A’Zion), a recovering addict living with her brother Matt (Brandon Flynn), his boyfriend Colin (Adam Faison), and roommate Nora (Aoife Hinds). Riley and her boyfriend Trevor (Drew Starkey) discover the puzzle box (the Lament Configuration) in a warehouse. Riley decides to keep the box, but after an argument with her brother, Matt is cut by the box, marking him. And he soon disappears.
What follows is a journey towards hell as Riley tries to unravel the mystery of the box, and a twisted millionaire Roland Voight (Goran Visnjic) that is somehow connected to it, before her and her friends fall victim to the cenobites and the hell priest (Jamie Clayton).
What is amazing about this film, apart from the performances, is the creativity, imagination, and attention to detail the filmmakers had in making it. They seem to all love the property. The visuals are some of the best I have seen on screen since the first two Hellraiser films in the 80s. From the fantastic landscapes, the sets, to the make-up, I was in awe. Made me think thoughts like “reality as puzzle pieces”. I love that about films like this.
There was some redesigning done here. Pinhead and the Cenobites have upgraded makeup and costumes. Gone is the black leather, it is all flesh and exposed muscle in truly beautiful configurations. And the pins or nails are jewelled like the book.
The puzzle box keeps a face lift too. There are added aspects of its function within the story. There are now six different shapes corresponding to a different aspect of what hell can offer. They all must be solved complete with a sacrifice. Truly unique. I really want one.
The call backs are nicely handled too, as every reboot needs them. Leviathan and the hellscape is recreated nicely from the second film, the building as box/trap from the third and fourth films, and even the score by Ben Lovett calls back to Christopher Young’s score for the first film.
A must watch for fans.
Stay tuned for more of whatever the hell I’m doing here.
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“What the Hell Are You Watching?” – Spooky Season 2022. Part One.
I haven’t posted all that much in blog form recently. My apologises. I decided, on a whim, on the 1st of the month, to write a short review of no more that 350 words on a different horror film every day this October. And I’ve been posting them to my Facebook and Instagram pages. But I thought I should do a collection style blog, putting them together. So, for better or worse, here are the first 8 films I covered. If you have already read them, ignore them or read them again (it’s up to you). If not, I hope you enjoy them now.
Relentless (1989)
Okay, I started spooky season off a little differently this year. I worked all day selling my art, making connections and working on commissions. So, when I sat down to relax and watch a movie, I picked the first thing on my list. And that was the 1989 thriller, Relentless.
You might think I was being a little lazy, and I was, but this film is connected to a beloved horror director. William Lustig who directed the films Maniac (1980) and the Maniac Cop trilogy. And honestly, I really enjoyed Relentless.
It’s a film that proceeds The Silence of the Lambs by a few years, and while there had been serial killer films before, it wasn’t compared to a larger more impressive film. And it did its own thing.
Centring around a rookie detective Sam Dietz (Leo Rossi) starting his new role in the police force and partnered with a seasoned veteran Bill Molly (Robert Loggia) as they try to catch a serial killer (Judd Nelson) who seemingly picks his victims at random out of the phone book.
Judd Nelson, playing the killer ‘Buck’ Taylor was the draw to this film. A former Brat Pack actor breaking out and doing a very different role than what he had done in the past. And damn it, he was good. The fleshing out of his story with a traumatic past at the hands of his strict cop father was well done and not rammed down the audience’s throat. And Nelson has some truly creepy and disturbing moments. It was a good performance.
But this film is Leo Rossi’s show, even if he is third billed in the cast. His Sam Dietz is our main character. The new face in an ‘old face’ department, no one takes him seriously. Even though he is smarter than those around him and often times right. But credit to the actor, the director and the writer, his intelligence isn’t portrayed as a negative aspect of the character. He is a character who butts heads with others for what he believes because as a patrolman he has had experience in the hunt for serial killers.
And seriously, Rossi is magnetic to watch. I don’t know why he wasn’t a bigger star. Relentless even became a franchise for him, being the only actor to appear in the original and its three sequels.
Yeah, I still haven’t seen the last one. But I remember seeing this film in the early 1990s and have remembered it ever since. It’s a pretty good move. There are better films in this genre, and this film does have a few issues. But it fits nicely into the police procedural thriller and the serial killer thriller subgenres. Its doesn’t try to put to much into the film that would seem out of place, relying more on character. It’s a really good way to spent 90 minutes. And I do think this would have made a freaking awesome TV show. Someone get on this.
It’s worth a watch. Check it out.
Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors (1965)
Okay. So, let’s do an anthology film. And in that vein, Amicus’ 1965 film Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors. Five men occupy the same train carriage: Architect Jim Dawson (Neil McCallum), family man Bill Rogers (Alan Freeman), musician Biff Bailey (Roy Castle), art critic Franklyn Marsh (Christopher Lee), and Dr Bob Carroll (Donald Sutherland). Just before leaving, they are joined by another, that of the mysterious Dr Schreck (Peter Cushing), who begins to tell their fortunes with a pack of tarot cards.
The train sequences with Schreck telling the future of each man are the framing device for the five short stories we get in this film. The first, ‘Werewolf’ tells the story of Jim Dawson as he travels to his ancestorial home to advise the woman who bought the property from him about renovations to the house. He gets entangled in an ancient curse and a werewolf. While the style is very like the classic Amicus/Hammer of the time, the massive leaps in logic and the muddled alteration of the werewolf mythology make this a less enjoyable watch than it should be.
Next is ‘Creeping Vine’. Bill Rogers and his family return from holiday to find a strange vine growing in the garden. One they soon find that they can’t remove. Its indestructible, intelligent and protects itself. The family dog, friends and investigator are all killed. At the end the family is holed up, besieged in their own house by the vengeful flora. This is kind of boring it spots. It’s a misuse of a good concept.
‘Voodoo’ centres around a trumpet player and his band as they take a booking to play in a night club in the West Indies. When Biff Bailey sneaks to a forbidden part of the island to watch a tribal ceremony. He is mesmerised by the music and proceeds to write is down. Even though he is warned not to steal from the voodoo gods, he completes a whole arrangement based on the music and performs it back in London. And the gods enact their revenge. Good idea, but it is too short to tell a story like this. And is definitely needed a larger scope to tell the tale effectively.
‘Disembodied Hand’ is probably the best of the shorts. It’s simple, effective, and creepy. A snobby art critic is humiliated by a painter that he has mercilessly hounded and attacked in the press and in person for years. The critic, in a fit of anger, runs the painter down in this car, crushing his hand in the process. When the painter then commits suicide at the loss of his hand, the critic is then terrorised by the amputated disembodied hand of the artist. Ending in a near fatal car crash. Top notice. Seriously, I have no notes.
The last story, ‘Vampire’ tells the tale of newlyweds Dr Carroll and his wife as they start their new life together. Strange happening begin in town and Dr Carroll’s business partner become convinced it is a vampire. He believes it to be Mrs. Carroll and convinces the good doctor to kill her. Which he does. He is arrested and we have a great double reveal. It is a passable tale, but the ending elevates it.
But it is with the framing story on the train that the real tension is serve up, culminating in a damn good ending to the film. After the end of each man’s fortune, and the story we see played out, each man draws the death card signifying his future fate. But we never see any of the men die in the stories presented. Have you guessed the twist yet?
The lights go out, and when they come back on Schreck is gone. As the men get off the train, they are not where they are meant to be. And the train they were just on has vanished. Dr Carroll pick a floating newspaper out of the air and all five men read that five men have died on a train crash. Yep, they are all dead and Schreck was the angel of death come to collect their souls, and have a little fun with them on the way. I must admit, it was a nice way to do the anthology film a little differently.
Okay, so this isn’t the best film to use the anthology format, Amicus made so many in the 60s and 70s (and better ones). But this is by no means the worst. And it’s worth it for a young Donald Sutherland and to see Lee and Cushing on screen together again.
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Oh, my giddy Aunt, this movie is cool.
There are so few great werewolf movies out there compared to vampire, zombies, mummies and slasher killers. I’m always over the moon when one is released.
This independent gem was written and directed by Neil Marshall. This was his debut feature. He would later go on to helm The Decent (2005), Doomsday (2008), Centurion (2010), Hellboy (2019), and The Reckoning (2020). As well as some of the best television episodes of your favourite shows in recent memory. This is a creator who knows what he is doing.
Dog Soldiers is a horror action film with a nice dose of black comedy. A squad of Army soldiers are on manoeuvres in Scotland and unbeknownst to them, they are being used as bait for a special operations branch to catch werewolves. Most of the film has the soldiers, the special operation leader and a local woman holed up in an abandoned house as the lycanthropes attack.
Part horror movie, part action movie, part siege thriller with werewolves, and a punch of pop culture references that I didn’t see coming on my first watch. Seriously, the script makes little references to Evil Dead, Star Trek, The Matrix, amongst others. This movie still remains fresh.
Cinematography is great, the action and creature effects are well executed, its well written, especially the dialogue. But the performances sell this movie better than anything else. You believe the soldiers have been doing this a while and that they have a repour that only combat can bring. I dare you not to hear Sean Pertwee’s Sgt Wells monologue about a fallen comrade and not get chills.
Apart from Sean, other stand outs in the cast are Kevin McKidd as Cooper, Liam Cunningham as Ryan, Emma Cleasby as Megan and Darren Morfitt as Spoon.
This is a movie that everyone needs to watch. And whether you have seen is before or haven’t yet, this Halloween season is all the excuse you need. So, sit down and put on one of the best werewolf movies in the past 30 years. You’ll love it.
Exists (2014)
I watch a lot of bigfoot movies. I think the concept of a lost or hidden cryptid is a good basis for fiction. While the kid in my still loves Harry and the Hendersons, I crave a good scary horror movie with old bigfoot. It’s come close a few times, but I am still waiting. Today’s flick is in the ‘comes close’ category. But I haven’t seen them all yet.
2014’s Exists is directed and co-written by Eduardo Sanchez, one half od the team that brought us The Blaire Witch Project in 1999, this is another found footage movie. But with two differences. This film has a single, tangible stalker and better technology from Sanchez’s first effect.
The character of Brian in the film uses different hand-held cameras to capture the action, but also has mounted small Go-Pro cameras on everything he can. Which allows the director and the cinematographer to pick their shots and to edit the film into a more traditional narrative while keeping the tension that comes with a ‘found footage’ movie intact.
And the bigfoot is a fully designed creature too with make-up appliances and a full body suit. The creature becomes a character not just an entity. So, I suppose three things.
But, while the film is entertaining (it held my attention), it doesn’t add anything new to the found footage genre. Paranormal Activity did that wonderfully, even if the later entries in that franchise soured it. Yeah, that is not my favourite series. But Exists is an enjoyable little horror tale, but delivers nothing ground-breaking, but it is in no way a bad film. It lands somewhere between ‘okay’ and ‘good’. It made me jump a few times and made me invested in the outcome.
Now I think there is a bigfoot movie with Lance Henriksen in it. I’m going to try and find that. Even if it’s a bad movie, at least it still has Lance in it.
Cat’s Eye (1985)
Stephen King and the anthology film are not strangers. Creepshow springs to mind for most. Or Tales From the Dark Side maybe. Or the made for TV Nightmares and Dreamscapes. But one I think that is completely overlooked is the 1985 horror/thriller anthology Cat’s Eye.
This film is directed by Lewis Teague, who had previously directed Cujo, (another King adaptation) and is made up of three stories linked by the same cat, The General, as he follows a vision of a little girl in trouble to save her. Because cats are cool.
The first story, Quitter’s Inc. features smoker Dick Morrison (James Woods) who wants to quit. He goes to a clinic that has a 100% success rate. But it’s run by the mob. Here threats, intimidation, and the torture and mutilation of loved ones are used for a different purpose here. Alan King as the clinic counsellor is a solid stand out.
Next is The Ledge. Johnny Norris (Robert Hayes) is having an affair with a woman, who’s jealous crime boss and casino owner Cressner, kidnaps Norris and blackmails him into a dangerous endeavour. To circumnavigate the exterior ledge of Cressner’s penthouse. If he is successful, he will grant his wife divorce. Spoiler alert: the bad guy doesn’t part fair. The casino owner is played by the first Baron Harkonnen himself Kenneth McMillan, in full moustache twirling mode.
And finally, The General. Our hero cat finally finds the little girl (Drew Barrymore) and is quickly adopted into her family. And every night battles a malevolent troll that lives in the walls. The troll is trying to steal the girl’s breath which will kill her. The General saves the day.
This movie is often billed as a horror, but it is more a thriller with some fantasy elements and a big dose of fun. Seriously, watch Quitter’s Inc. Done? See I told you. Fun. And the set design for The General is amazing when you find out how they did it.
It’s not a masterpiece, but it gets a high recommendation from me. Mainly for re-watchability.
The Devil Riders Out (1968)
The Devil Rides Out is one of my favourite movies and my personal fav of Hammer Studios. And it is also a rare instance of Christopher Lee playing a hero in a horror film.
This is more of a supernatural thriller between the forces of good and evil. The genius occult and black magic expert Duc de Richleau (Lee) and allies as they face off against the evil Mocata (Charles Gray) and his cult of Satanists as they try to rise the devil himself.
Our way into the story is through the traditional two-fisted hero Rex (Leon Green) as he is brought into the fight by de Richleau to save their friend Simon who is under Mocata’s sway. Rex gets involved with Tanith (Mike Arrighi), a beautiful femme fatale that Mocata uses as a weapon against them. And is one of the most interesting characters in the whole movie. The tension of the potential romance between them is also as good as the tension of ‘is she a villain or not’.
After the rescue of Simon and the retreat to the home of the Eaton’s, Marie, Richard and their daughter Peggy (Sarah Lawson, Paul Eddington & Rosalyn Lander), this base of operations is first visited by Mocata to mesmerise them, and then as a location for him to attack. Leading to some pretty effective sequences, even if the quality of the special effects doesn’t hold up.
Even though the film is basically a battle of wills between two father figures, on first watching I was surprised to find out it was all about the women. I won’t give the ending away, but it is wonderful.
This film is written by legend Richard Matheson based on the novel by Dennis Wheatley. A ‘hell yes’ from me before I knew anything else about it. Directed by the amazing and underrated Terrence Fisher, he and cinematographer Arthur Grant craft the visuals in a way that are effective and seamless, and tell the story better than you would expect.
This is a must, not only horror fans but for film fans in general. Hammer’s best film that they ever made.
Crawl (2019)
So, I was surprised by this film. I was expecting a dumb creature feature but found myself invested within the first 20 minutes and stayed that way, hands clutched tight.
Crawl (2019) is a simple set-up. Swim champion Haley (Kaya Scodelario), goes to find her father Dave (Barry Pepper) who hasn’t been answering his phone. Oh, I forgot to mention, there is a category 5 hurricane headed towards them. It is Florida after all.
Haley, only finding her dad’s dog Sugar in his condo heads to the old family home that Dave is fixes up to sell to look for him. And the house is on the shore of a lake/swamp. She finds her father in the crawl space under the house, unconscious with an injured leg. But surprise, there are also alligators down there. Big ones too, and they are trapped, mean and hungry. And we now have a human versus beast movie in a human versus nature set-up.
This is a tense little movie and it seemed to do under the radar. I didn’t hear about this flick until I ran across it on DVD. Which is a shame because this is a well-made film. It’s full of great action sequences, good acting, a dash of humour and some truly amazing and well thought out scenarios for our heroes to overcome.
Even though there are other actors in the film, they are gator food mostly. Th film is Scodelario and Pepper’s and they do a great job in their roles opposite alligators created by practical effects and CGI. This film is produced by icon Sam Raimi (yes, the Evil Dead guy) and directed by Alexandra Aja, the artistic warrior director who gave us High Tension, Mirrors, Piranha 3D, Horns and the remake of The Hills Have Eyes.
This movie has a simple premise executed well. Characters you care about, good action and location, and some real ‘shit your pants’ moments. It’s well worth the ride.
Spoiler Alert: No. The dog doesn’t die. So, you can breathe again.
Mikey (1992)
Kids in horror movies are not a new thing. Print sized spree killers to supernatural evil tots have been in fantastic and horror fiction since forever. But one that isn’t done a lot of is a child serial killer. And that is what the 1992 film Mikey is all about.
Mikey (Brian Bonsall) kills off his current foster family at the beginning because they upset him. He is a ten-year-old kid after all. He may be extremely intelligent, but he is emotionally and socially inexperienced. After a brief investigation, Mikey is eventually place with another foster family in the form of wannabe parents Rachel and Neil (Mimi Craven and John Diehl). And at first everything seems perfect.
Mikey’s teacher Gilder (Ashley Laurence) is the first to notice that the angel faced little boy is not right. He best friend Ben’s sister Jessie who Mikey is obsessed with) is the second to be creeped out by Mikey. And when they both tell the parents of this, they are both shot down and ignored. That is until people around the boy start dying.
The climax is a nice stalker/slasher kind of finale, with a ten-year-old as the killer. You may think it sounds a little ridiculous, but this genius little kid uses his brains against the adult’s assumptions. The final shot is reminiscent of the final shot of The Omen.
Would I recommend this film? Well, yes and no. If you like all manner of serial killer stories (same as those people who love True Crime podcasts) then yes, watch. But if you are just a casual movie goer looking for some entertainment, this film may not be for you. It is a little boring and drags in places, the gore, nudity and language is tame for this kind of tale. It has a made for TV kind of vibe to it. Which is probably not surprising as the director Dennis Dimster and writer Jonathon Glassner have worked most in TV. Glassner writing and producing one of my favourite TV shows Stargate SG-1.
It is such a good idea for a horror of a thriller, but this film doesn’t go far enough to be memorable.
Kids in horror movies are not a new thing. Print sized spree killers to supernatural evil tots have been in fantastic and horror fiction since forever. But one that isn’t done a lot is a child serial killer. And that is what the 1992 film Mikey is all about.
Mikey (Brian Bonsall) kills off his current foster family at the beginning because they upset him. He is a ten-year-old kid after all. He may be extremely intelligent, but he is emotionally and socially inexperienced. After a brief investigation, Mikey is eventually placed with another foster family in the form of wannabe parents Rachel and Neil (Mimi Craven and John Diehl). And at first everything seems perfect.
Mikey’s teacher Gilder (Ashley Laurence) is the first to notice that the angel-faced little boy is not right. His best friend Ben’s sister Jessie who Mikey is obsessed with) is the second to be creeped out by Mikey. And when they both tell the parents of this, they are both shot down and ignored. That is until people around the boy start dying.
The climax is a nice stalker/slasher kind of finale, with a ten-year-old as the killer. You may think it sounds a little ridiculous, but this genius little kid uses his brains against the adult’s assumptions. The final shot is reminiscent of the final shot of The Omen.
Would I recommend this film? Well, yes and no. If you like all manner of serial killer stories (same as those people who love True Crime podcasts) then yes, watch. But if you are just a casual movie goer looking for some entertainment, this film may not be for you. It is a little boring and drags in places, the gore, nudity and language is tame for this kind of tale. It has a made for TV kind of vibe to it. Which is probably not surprising as the director Dennis Dimster and writer Jonathon Glassner have worked most in TV. Glassner wrote and produced one of my favourite TV shows, Stargate SG-1.
It is such a good idea for a horror or thriller, but this film doesn’t go far enough to be memorable.
Stay tuned for the next collected edition.
The regular blog post complete with original artwork are coming again soon. I’m working on Heavy Metal (1981), Halloween III (1982) and The Dark Half (1993). Bye.
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“They’re Coming to Get You, Barbara.” A few Thoughts on Night of the Living Dead.
Yeah, I know. More talented and thought-provoking writers, critics and academics have talked about and analysed this film. This George A Romero film was a game changing classic of the horror genre, of course people would at least bring it up in conversation, if they’re fans. I think any one of the books and documentaries out there could do it better than me. But I don’t care. I love this film, flaws and all, and I want to talk about it. So, stop with all the ‘Why you?’ and ‘Why now?’ questions will ya. Geez.
I remember when I first watched this film. You may doubt me, but it’s true. It was December in 1993, Christmas Holidays. No school and I was catching up on my reading and watching all the movies I had on my list. So, like I would usually do when I had time to burn and money in my pocket burning even hotter, I headed to the video store and rented some VHS tapes hoping for an escape to another world. On this occasion at my local rental emporium, I set out to rent 10 weekly releases for $10. What can I say, it was the early 90s. I scoured the store, looking for gems or for the cover art to speak to me. I wasn’t going to be doing any rewatching this day. This was a day of discovery, damn it.
After wondering the isles for what seemed like forever (which was probably 30 mins. Time seems to stretch when you are impatient) I was at only eight titles. I needed two more. And I was starting to worry. Mainly because I was a stupid kid, and when you’re young these things seem important. I settled on two movies with cool sounding names to my teenage brain, because the cover art was a bit bland on these ones. Forbidden Planet and Night of the Living Dead. I wasn’t expecting much out of them. Little did I know, they would be rewatched every year of my life since that day. I can’t even tell you what else I had chosen that day. And yes, these two films have been in my personal collection in multiple formats since I started the collection.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I had seen Romero films before. I had watched Monkey Shines and The Dark Half that same year, but Night of the Living Dead made me remember his name and search out more. I later found Creepshow, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead and Knightriders before school went back the next year. Favourites, one and all.
On first viewing, I thought NOTLD was a good movie. Nothing special, but good none the less. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the film. I would watch it again before returning the tape. I remembered wondering why they had shot it in Black and White when colour was the norm back in 1968. Why did the characters act the way they did? And why did the film seem more real? Relax, this was before I ‘knew’ anything.
As I watch more movies, Romero’s film among them, learnt about filmmaking, learnt how this film in particular was made and the time it was made in America’s history, I understood it more and more. I fell in love with this film slowly. But that love has never wavered for this ‘little movie that could’. I now see it as a masterclass in low budget filmmaking, storytelling and, yes, as a piece of art.
And I’m not kidding about the film being art. Not only does this film feature on many lists of the best films ever made, in 1999 the film was called “culturally, historically and aesthetically significant” by the Library of Congress in the good old U.S. of A. and selected to be preserved in the National Film Registry. So, important and entertaining. Suck it, horror haters.
While the film spawned a franchise, a legion of fans and imitators and influenced an entire genre, it’s this small confined story told well which is still the most affecting of the series. Think what The Purge tried to many decades later. And like that film, NOTLD is at its heart a siege drama. But instead of a band of killers, outlaws or an opposing army, it is a horde of undead flesh eating ghouls (they weren’t called zombies until much later).
The tale goes like this.
Siblings Johnny and Barbara (Russell Streiner and Judith O’Dea) arrive at a cemetery after a long drive to place a wreath on their father’s grave, something their mother is too weak to do. There is some good-natured ribbing from Johnny towards his timid sister until they are attacked by a man in a suit. This is the first ghoul (or zombie) of the film. In the tussle Johnny is killed and then the undead man in formal wear goes after Barbara. She runs and hides in the car, but Johnny has the keys because of course he does. She pops the parking brake, puts the car in neutral and rolls down the hill away from her attacker. But he seems to forget how to steer and runs into a tree. Fleeing on foot, with the creepiest of uncles in pursuit, she comes across a farm house sitting by itself in the country side. Scared out of her mind, hoping to find help, she heads for the house. Finding it empty, she hides inside.
Barbara looks around after the dead guys leaves and finds a half-eaten corpse on the first-floor landing. Yum Yum! She screams, completely freaked out and runs out of the house. Right into headlights of a truck pulling up to the house. Ben (Duane Jones), our hero, gets out of the car hoping to also find sanctuary in the old farmhouse. They retreat inside as the ghouls appear wondering what all the noise is about, walking like someone has poured a ice cold beer down the back of their pants.
Ben decides they need to board the place up and protect themselves and their ‘safe’ house. After a brief search of the place for supplies, they find what they need and begin to seal themselves in. Ben even finds a rifle and some ammunition. Because, ‘Merica y’all.
Another ghoul attack and exposition dump later, it is revealed that there have been people hold up in the cellar. Harry Cooper and his wife Helen (Karl Hardman and Marilyn Eastman), their injured daughter Karen (Kyra Schon) and teenage couple, Tom and Judy (Keith Wayne and Judith Ridley).
This is where the human drama kicks into overdrive as the egos of Ben and Harry clash. It’s the well to do middle glass, prosperous business man Harry against the intelligent, resourceful, likeable working glass Ben. And everyone else caught in the middle. After arguments and fingers pointing, everyone helps to finish boarding up the house, even if Harry doesn’t agree with the course of action. Once finished, they listen to news report on the radio and then watch news broadcast on a television they found in another room. This is where a lot of the backstory and what is possibly going on around them comes to our characters. And they come up with a course of action. They need to get to a nearby town to one of the rescue stations. Oh, I almost forgot, throughout all of this, Barbara is in a near catatonic state.
There is a fuel pump out the back to the property. If they can get to it and refuel the truck Ben drove, they can all pile in and make it to the help they need. As long as they drive like a bat out of hell. It would have worked too. But it ended up with Tom and Judy and the truck exploding and Ben stranded in a burning field surrounded by zombies. Without any kung-fu moves Ben does fight through them and makes it back to the house only to be refused entry by Harry. Because, you know, Harry’s a dick.
Breaking down the door he gets in, Ben and Harry fight, zombies attack, Barbara comes back to life, briefly. But in the end, everybody dies except for Ben, who hides in the cellar, something he said he would never do.
The next day, the police, national guard, militia (rednecks with guns) sweep the country side exterminating and burning the ghouls. Hearing the noise, Ben cautiously leaves his hiding place and approaches an open window to see what is going on. He is greeted with a bullet in the head by the sweeping force thinking he’s a zombie. Oh, did I forget to say ‘Spoiler Warning’? This film is almost 55 years old. If you haven’t seen it, that’s on you. And that’s the end. No shit. The hero dies.
Fuck this movie has a bleak ending. It’s like having a strong cup of coffee and a bran muffin in the morning, it’ll open you right up. And I think the bleakness of this film’s ending caused Romero to end the other entries in this Dead series with a little hope.
This movie, was, for a time, the most successful independently financed film, and not just in the horror genre. Made by a group of friends and colleagues who had been making commercials and industrial films in the Pittsburgh area. One day they decided ‘Hey, let’s make a movie’. Ten of them through in $600 each and started with that $6000. They were off. They would later gain further financing and the films budget increased to around $100,000.
Romero co-wrote the screenplay with John Russo. They ended up combining two different ideas. Romero’s ‘I Am Legend’ inspired story about the dead not staying dead and Russo’s flesh-eating aliens story. The modern zombie story was born in those pages.
Filmed in 1967 and 1968, the production consisted of the original group, their friends, their friends’ friends, and what other contacts they had. And everybody was pulling double or triple duty. Many of the producers and production staff were also actors in the film or zombies. Hardman was the actor playing Harry Cooper and one of the producers of the film for example. Romero himself was not only the director and co-writer of the film, but also the editor and cinematographer as well He even appears in the film as one of the reporters in Washington.
The tension in the film is built throughout the film expertly for a debut feature. Most of it coming from the documentary style black and white photography and the interaction between the characters in a tense and unusual situation. Something Romero would use over and over in his later Dead films. But was mainly achieved because of the low budget. The use of black and white film was because of budget, as was the one location and the heavy use of shadows. Hell, the blood was chocolate sauce. This is a good film, but why has it been hailed as a great and important piece of art and how has it been seen by so many people over the years. Well, I will try to enlighten you. So, buckle up you bunch of flesh eaters.
First off, the casting of this film is very important. You may think that casting wouldn’t have that much of an effect on the film as a hole, right? Well, you would be wrong there. Imagine someone else playing Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs or imagine if Lance Henriksen or O.J. Simpson where cast as the Terminator. Hard to think about that, huh? They would have been to different films.
Casting this film, while the filmmakers didn’t think it was all that striking a choice, ended up being one of the elements of this film that has been analysed and hailed as a triumph. And that, dear readers, was the casting of Duane Jones as the character of Ben. Duane Jones was the only Afro-American actor in a cast of white actors. And he is our hero in a horror film made in 1968. Almost unheard of up till then. And he fucking nailed it.
The filmmakers weren’t trying to be edgy or subversive, Duane was simply the best actor that they knew and nailed the audition with flying colours. So, he was in. Jones brought an intelligence, grace and gravitas to the role that I doubt another actor could have. And certain aspects of the story would have simply been something that moved the story along, but suddenly were dripping with subtext. Think of the clash of egos between Ben and Harry. Working class black man and well-off middle class white man, going head-to-head in a war of words and emotions.
And think about the reaction of Barbara on first seeing Ben. Her eyes get wider and she becomes still in shock. Is she more afraid of Ben then the zombies in that moment? The film being made around the time of the civil rights movement. Reports of riots between protestors and authorities were starting common place on the news. I can see that a timid little white girl could be afraid or at the least cautious of an Afro American man meeting the way they do in the film. Hell, a decade previous, it was still illegal for Afro-Americans to drink from a whites only water fountain.
And the filmmakers not thinking about this kind of reading into their film is true. They had no idea of the effect it could have until they were driving the completed film to New York to hopefully sell it to a studio or distributor. On that faithful drive, the announcement that Martin Luther King Jr had been assassinated came over the radio. And it hit them. And to their credit, they refused to alter the film in any way, paving the way for other films to make similar films. I believe it was also a very positive influence in the film industry at the time and probably helped create the Blaxploitation movement of the 1970s. And black horror films in general. An early example of this is a vampire film entitled Ganja and Hess (1973) also starring NOTLDs Duane Jones. And is started with a couple of clueless dudes who just wanted to make a movie.
Another reason why this film is so loved, so watched and so analysed is because of a mistake. And a silly one at that. The film when it was finished was called Night of the Flesh Eaters. And that is how it was sold to distributers, complete with copywrite. But since there was another film that had be released four years previous called Flesh Eaters, the distributers wanted to change the title. So, the distributers came up with Night of the Living Dead. But when changing the title, they forgot to reinstate the copywrite notice on the film with the new title. And because of this for most of its life as a piece of entertainment, the film has been in the public domain. Which meant that is could be shown at any theatre and drive-in, on any television and cable network and later released over and over again on VHS and DVD. The film was hard to escape, as it was everywhere. And the filmmakers, financial backers and the distributors made no money on the success of the film. It is sad that this film that is so praised as art and loved by many ended up not making a profit. But on the positives, it was seen and gave Romero, Russo, Jones and many others careers in film and television.
And just before I go, the version of this film that I have, that I used for this review/rant was a double feature Blu-Ray from the awesome people at Umbrella Entertainment. The release features the original 1968 film and the 1990 remake that was produced by Romero and directed by special effects make up wizard Tom Savini. Which was made so that they could try and regain the copywrite on the name of the original film. And also, to have fun. The Umbrella release is pretty damn cool. And they did the same thing with the Blob. So, check it out if you can.
Well, I think I’m out of things to talk about, so I will say Good Day, Good Night and Don’t let the zombies bite.
What things did I miss?
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“Look a Prehistoric Bird” – House 2: The Second Story.
“It’s getting weirder.” Yeah, no shit.
When you make a sequel to a successful film, it’s a given that the sequel will not be as good from the audience standpoint or from the critics’, compared to the original anyway. Its kind of like the law of diminishing returns of the film industry. Musicians are victims to the same assumptions when they release a follow up to a successful debut album.
Whatever you do it will never be seen as totally original (as if anything really is these days) and derivative of what came before. So, how do you avoid that? How do you keep a brand alive and continue to entertain and make money? Some cuts budgets, replace actors with less expensive ones, or reuse whatever they can. Some go straight to the home video market or VOD/streaming, and some double down and go bigger and bolder on all fronts. The Fast and the Furious franchise did this last one to box office acclaim.
Or you can do what Sean S Cunningham and Ethan Wiley did with their follow up to the 1986 horror comedy House and make a movie that is a sequel in name only. House II: The Second Story has no connection to the events and characters from the first film. And because of that, they were not beholden to the first story, and made a completely different tale of the supernatural, centred around ghosts and a spooky old house. The first three House films are precisely that, three different stories connected only by a haunted house or supernaturally empowered dwelling. An anthology, in a way. Kind of what John Carpenter and Debra Hill envisioned for the Halloween series until fans chucked a collective shit fit over Halloween III: Season of the Witch because there was no Michael Myers.
Wait, where was I going with this? I lost my train of thought.
Oh, yeah. House 2. Right.
While the first House film is seen as a minor cult classic, and the third is praised for its atmosphere, special effects and gore (and a little controversy over content in respect to the rating board), House 2 often gets left out of the discussion. And looking at the film objectively, I don’t see why. It is a fun, well made film, full of good performances, good story and a metric ton of imagination.
Maybe it’s because, in a horror franchise, House 2 is the only film billed as a supernatural comedy and not as a horror or horror comedy. While the film does have horror elements, it does have more of a fantasy/adventure vide to it. A little like an 80s version of a live action Scooby Doo episodes if the monsters and ghosts were all real and not old man Smithers is a suit. This film is a little hard to classify, harder to describe. Maybe I should give a quick run down first? Yeah, let’s do that.
The film opens with a young family (husband, wife and baby) being terrorised in the house of the title by supernatural forces and a shadowy figure in a cowboy hat. When they come face to face with the ghostly cowboy, the villain Slim Reeser, he croaks out ‘Give me the skull’, shoots are fired and the parents are ‘off screened’ to death.
Cut to a few decades later. The now adult child, Jesse McLaughan (Arye Cross) moves into the house which has be in his family for generations, not knowing about the strange goings on. Jesse has started to make it as an architect and he and his girlfriend Kate (Lar Park Lincoln) plan to make this house a home. They are later joined by Jesse’s friend Charlie (Jonathon Stark) and his girlfriend Lana (Amy Yasbeck) in the hopes Lana will be discovered by Kate as she works for a record company.
Whilst exploring the basement, Jesse and Charlie find a photo of Jesse’s great-great-grandfather (and his namesake) Jesse, holding a jewelled eyed crystal skull in front of an Aztec temple, complete with a surly looking gunfighter in the background. (Pssht! That’s Slim Reeser. Only less dead). Later we find out Slim and Jesse has a falling out over who the skull belonged too.
With the aid of some books on artifacts that just happen to be the basement too, they reason that the skull is buried with the older Jesse in the family plot and decide to procure the skull by digging up it and old Jesse. They unearth the casket but before they can retrieve the skull, they are attacked by the mummy wearing an ornate burial mask buried there. This is the undead Jesse, whom shows himself to be friendly after the younger Jesse reveals who he is. Jesse, Charlie and the newly nicknamed Gramps head back to the house, where Gramps learns that the immortality the skull promised was not as advertised on the bottle. He looks something like a mash up of a zombie and a dried prune.
When Jesse tries to sleep, Charlie takes Gramps drinking and driving. When they return, Jesse and Charlie listen to Gramps’ stories as an outlaw, and adventurer in the old west. Cramps also tells the boys that the skull is a key to the mysteries of the house, which was built from the ruins of an old Aztec temple, and that its rooms are like doorways across time and space. Cramps presses Jesse and Charlie into service to protect the skull from the forces of evil that crave the skull. What could go wrong?
The trio are shocked out of there conversation by the sound of music. Confused, Jesse and Charlie go up stairs to find a costume party in full swing. Charlie admits that he set this up, and then forgot about it. And this being a Halloween party, Gramps fits right in. At the party, Jesse’s interaction with an old girlfriend caused Kate to leave him and takes Lana with her. Thanks to the machinations of Kate’s smarmy boss John (Bill Maher).
And that’s when a barbarian arrives at the party from one of those doorways mentioned earlier and steals the skull from the mantlepiece. The boys chase him upstairs and into a room that sends them to an ancient jungle. Full of dinosaurs. Glorious stop-motion dinosaurs. Movie Gods be praised. They defeat the barbarian with a little help from a dinosaur that looks like a mad scientist’s experiment to mix a hippo and a catfish and retrieve the skull. Only to have the skull stolen by a flying pterodactyl, who deposits the skull in its nest atop a very, VERY tall tree.
Whilst Jesse is climbing the tree, Charlie is being stalked through the undergrowth by an unseen something. We don’t get to see the little critter until later. When reaching into the nest, because one of the eggs had hatched, Jesse was met by a baby pterodactyl, intent on keeping the skull. In the struggle, Jesse, the baby pterodactyl and the skull fall from the high tree to the ground below. When hitting the ground, they fall through the ground taking Charlie and the unseen stalker with them. They fall through the ceiling of the basement of Jesse’s house at Cramps’ feet. After they gain their bearings, Gramps asks, “Why didn’t you use the stairs?”. And they find a creature hanging on to Charlie’s leg. A half dog, half caterpillar little beasty who happily barks at them. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Cater-Puppy. One of the cutest characters ever to grace the screen, and the illustration accompanying this review.
Then we have a little board comedy as they try to wrestle the skull from the baby prehistoric bird. The chase spills out into the rest of the house, ending in the kitchen were the swap the skull for some food. This chase is very Scooby Doo.
Later when an electrician and adventurer Bill Towner (John Ratzenberger) is at the house to fix some wiring, the skull is nicked again by an Aztec-like warrior. Bill alerts the boys to the time portal in the wall (“one of those time-portal things…you see these all the time in these old houses”), retrieves a sword from his long tool box and leads the boys into the mystic past. They find themselves in a temple where priests and warriors are about to sacrifice a virgin to the skull, now sitting at the head on the ceremonial alter. Bill and the boys, rescue the virgin (Playmate Devin DeVasquez), defeat the warriors and once again, get the skull back. When they return, Bill gives them a business card featuring the words “Bill Towner. Electrician and Adventurer” and says to call if they need him. And he is never seen in the movie again. I wanted more of Bill. He should have got his own movie.
The strange band of friends and family, featuring a beautiful Aztec virgin, two prehistoric animals, a zombie cowboy, and Charlie and Jesse sit down for dinner. Slim Reeser makes his grand entrance. Coming right out of the dinner plater and standing on the table. Gramps is shot, Slim catches a knife thrown by Charlie, Slim kidnaps the virgin (who never actually gets a name in the movie), and Charlie gives chase when he notices the skull is missing. Jesse goes to Gramps; he tells him Slim is the one who kills his parents and gives him his guns. Jesse goes hunting for Slim. He finds a portal to the old west in a window and dives through were he finds Charlie and the Aztec girl strung up on gallows. Bait for the trap. Slim rides in on his zombie horse (another great piece of stop-motion) and he and Jesse shot it out, ending up back in Jesse’s house via crashing through another window. After a tense cat and mouse shoot out through the house, Slim is killed and the skull is retrieved from Slim’s chest.
Returning to Gramps with the skull, hoping that it will heal him, Gramps says his goodbyes to his great-great-grandson after telling him to get what he wants from the enchanted object and then get rid of it. Gramps dies embracing Jesse.
The film ends in the old west. Jesse has buried Gramps and left the skull on his grave. He rides off into the sunset on a wagon with Charlie, the Aztec girl, the baby pterodactyl and Cater-puppy. The end.
When I said this film was full of imagination, I wasn’t kidding. It’s weird, wacky, tense at times, and wonderfully fun. The narrative is a little disjoined at times, but every section of the story carries over into the next pretty well. And considering it was operating with a relatively small budget for a film of this kind of scope, the filmmakers delivered quite the visual feast. Every kind of practical effect and camera trick was used. Apart from the stop-motion animation I mention before, there was also some amazing matte paintings to open up the other worlds, optical effects to blend the elements together, fun and effective puppets, and incredibility believable make-up effects (Gramps is a high point here). Not to mention the props, costumes, set and production design which all help the $3 Million budget seem like $10 Million. Which oddly enough is how much the film made. Which is pretty good in 1987 dollars. And all this from a first-time director.
No kidding. Ethan Wiley, who wrote the first film with Freed Dekker, had never directed a film before. And he took double duty here, both writing and directing the film. And it’s a shame he hasn’t directed more films, having only directed seven films, with many and the best ones being in the horror genre.
I think one of the reasons Wiley excelled at his first directing gig, is that he knew the filmmaking process pretty well. Apart from being a screenwriter, he had worked in special effects on film like Empire Strikes Back and Gremlins, and worked as a second unit and assistant director on other films. So, he knew how to make an effects laden film, but also who to hire to get the job done. He even hired one of his old bosses, Chris Walas, to oversee the effects. Walas has worked on The Fly for David Cronenberg and would later direct the sequel to that film.
Harry Manfredini’s score for the film is as random as the story is. Writing and conducting original music that could be taken from different kinds of films. Music that wouldn’t seem out of place in a horror film, an adventure epic or a western. Complete with light comic touches. There is a reason Cunningham works with Manfredini more than any other composer.
The cast all did marvellous jobs in the film. Ayre Gross and Jonathan Stark as the two leads of the film, had good chemistry on and off screen, and believably delivered the dramatic and comic elements of their character’s arches. Lar Park Lincoln and Amy Yasbeck, while have both done amazing work in other projects, seem wasted here as there is not much for them to do and they exit the story very quickly when it gets going. And Bill Maher is the slimy ass that he plays so well as Kate’s boss. But the two stand outs in the cast are Royal Dano and John Ratzenberger.
With 197 credits to his name, Royal Dano is a character actor who has done just about everything in TV and film. He was most famous for his portrayal of characters in westerns. Hell, he was in Bonanza 12 times. He was one of the few actors you called if you needed someone to play an aging cowboy, so he fits perfectly in the story of House 2 even before he opens his mouth. And even in his later years when he made this film, to his credit, he doesn’t sleepwalk through this role, delivering the most believable performance in the movie. Which must not have been an easy feet, as prior to filming, Dano had had a triple bypass. And didn’t complain once. Dude was a trooper. He had also done other horror and fantasy projects too. Movies like Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983), Ghoulies II (1987), Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988), Space Invaders (1990) and The Dark Half (1990). He even played a travelling judge in the first season of Twin Peaks. Royal died in 1994 at the age of 71.
Now, the other stand out, did it all with around only ten minutes of screen time. If that. But with that ten minutes John Ratzenberger steals the show. John is probably best known for his role of Cliff in 270 episodes of the sitcom Cheers and voicing characters in every Pixar movie, such as Hamm in the Toy Story franchise. But with 181 acting and voice credits to his name, he is another character actor who has done just about everything. Seriously, check out his IMDb page, you’ll be surprised. From Horror classics to Doug McClure adventure movies.
Not only did John study acting in London, he also studied stage combat too. So, when he slips into sword wielding adventure mode in the film, its all him, and you fucking believe it. And with his comic chops and his delivery of the dialogue, and his improvising, he is the most memorable and most quotable character in the film.
And just a quick honourable mention. The voice of the villain, Slim Reeser, in none other than the freakishly talented Frank Welker. The Grand Emperor of voice actors who has voiced everything from Megatron, Doctor Claw, Scooby Doo, Abu in Aladdin, Slimer and Ray in The Real Ghostbusters to almost a 1000 others characters.
This film is like a spooky cartoon, a family horror film, if you will. It’s a crazy movie and while it doesn’t make too much sense at times, it knows what it is. The film just wants to entertain you with its ideas, its humour, its action, charm and heart. It might not be as memorable as other films in the genre, and its not an award winner, but I do think its worth your time.
Hardcore horror fans may scoff but I do believe this film deserves better than its 7% score on Rotten Tomatoes. This is a film that will spark your imagination, brighten your day, and make you think twice about digging up a long since dead relative.
Now, I’m just wondering, what happens when the baby pterodactyl grows up in the old west. Now, that could be a movie.
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‘Cruising Slagtown’: Talking About the Buddy Cop Sci-Fi Hybrid, Alien Nation.
I wasn’t going to talk about this film here, even if it was on my list of flicks to cover. While I do love this film, being a mash-up of genres done right, it was planned for after Halloween. But a few things changed, research for my intended piece was taking longer than expected and then Hollywood legend James Caan passed away on July 6th 2022 at the age of 82.
The man made some truly amazing films and delivered memorable performances in his 6 plus decades on screen. And what a list, with titles like Brian’s Song, The Godfather, The Gambler, Thief, Gardens of Stone and For The Boys all showing his dramatic acting chops. But it wasn’t all ‘Oscar bait’, he did his time in action films like The Killer Elite, Eraser and comedies such as Elf, The Dark Backward, Honeymoon in Vegas, Bulletproof, Mickey Blue Eyes and a cameo in the truly crazy Santa’s Slay. He even did a horror movie or two with Misery and The Good Neighbour. I mean, this dude was good in everything. Hell, he even did a damn kick ass TV show with Las Vegas.
But with his passing, everyone signals out The Godfather or Misery as his career best or iconic. In this weird and wonderful realm of ‘pop culture’ it is easy to see why, truly great films with truly great performances from the cast, including Caan. But everybody has their firsts and their ‘go to’ flicks. With me, when Caan’s name came up, I always went to one movie, the first to pop up in my odd shaped head. It is a film I loved when I was an 11-year-old kid, and it’s a film I still adore at 44. The sci-fi, action, thriller, buddy cop flick, 1988’s Alien Nation.
One of the things I did with my dad, one of the very good things, was watch action movies together. And apart from martial arts flicks, Dad loves cop-based action movies, bubby cop movies in particular. I watched flicks like 48 Hours, Lethal Weapon, Running Scared and Beverly Hills Cop with him (films I still rate today), but then one day, one of the VHS’ in the pile on Friday night was a buddy cop film with aliens in it. My 11-year-old brain was like, ‘What? You can do that?’. This movie had to go on first. We watched it, and I loved it. Dad, not so much. I believe the reaction was something like, “How could Sonny make this piece of crap?”. His loss.
Alien Nation is a unique story, especially in the era it was made. I don’t think anyone had thought to mash up the Earth based Buddy cop action movie with a Sci-fi thriller before. At least none that I can remember, and I looked. I think the closest I found was the film Outland, which was like High Noon in space, but not an alien to be seen.
In the universe of the film, a large spaceship crashed in the Mojave Desert in the future year of 1991 bearing 300,000 alien beings that were bred as slaves. The aliens were dubbed Newcomers by the humans, due partly to the fact that the humans could not pronounce their species name and not because the filmmakers hadn’t thought one up. These Newcomers where naturalised American citizens and integrated into human society in California, mostly in Los Angeles.
This part of the story, the conceit of the film, has been done before and since this film in a more grounded way. You know, without aliens. The sci-fi element is definitely an allegory on slavery and race relations with 1980s American society. But having the aliens being part of the society removes a lot of the sigma and biases the viewer may have as they can see themselves in the ‘underdog’ role. Something sci-fi does well and something that hadn’t been done in a major Hollywood release.
Anyway, back to the story. One of our main characters is homicide detective Matthew Sykes (James Caan). In the beginning of the film, he loses his partner Tugg (Roger Aaron Brown) in a shootout with two Newcomers when they interrupt the aliens in the middle of a convenience store robbery where the aliens kill the Newcomer couple who own and run the store. Sykes pursues the remaining Newcomer on foot, but losses him after he receives a major beat down.
Wanting to find those responsible for Tugg’s death, which he is forbidden to investigate, he takes on a case with a similar MO, the death of a Newcomer named Warren Hubley, with the hopes he can link the two cases. He also volunteers to take on a new partner, the first Newcomer detective Sam Francisco, who Sykes nicknames ‘George’ (Mandy Patinkin). At this point in the film Sykes is the classic grumpy bigot. He doesn’t single out Newcomers or any other race above all others, he hates everyone. Kind of like Nick Nolte in 48 Hours. Sykes takes Francisco as a partner for purely selfish reasons. If they will be investigating in the Newcomer community, having a Newcomer detective with him will open doors that would have remained shut for him.
While examining the bodies of the fallen criminals, Francisco detects an abnormality in their systems. Something that Francisco keeps quiet about from Sykes until later in the story, even if Sykes sees that something has unnerved Francisco. Through the criminals and the Newcomer victims, the investigation leads to a night club and its owner Joshua Strader. But before they can question him, he is killed by a Newcomer business man, William Harcourt (Terrance Stamp, our villain for the movie) and his henchmen.
Harcourt is the leader of a criminal ring in the advanced stages of launching a scheme to produce and distribute an alien drug called Jabroke. The very thing the alien overseers used to control the Newcomers on board the ship. Its 100% addictive and very deadly. This drug also has no effect on humans.
This is what Francisco noticed earlier, and when it is confirmed, George comes clean with Sykes. It is seen as a point of shame for the Newcomers that this drug was used on them, and had thought it all but destroyed when the ship crashed. They track down Harcourt in the middle of negotiating for the release of the drug. There is a shoot out and a car chase between Francisco and Sykes and Harcourt and his head henchman, Rudyard Kipling (I am so not making that name up).
After a game of chicken turns into a head on collision with major ‘ouchies’ all round, Harcourt escapes on foot with Sykes in hot pursuit. Trapped, Harcourt purposely overdoes on the drug sample he has with him and is presumed dead.
Spoiler: He isn’t.
On his way to the morgue, Harcourt mutates, kills the driver and several cops and escapes. The mismatched duo pursues Harcourt, following him to a fishing pier. Sykes has the final physical confrontation with the mutated alien drug lord on the open sea, on a fishing boat. They both end up in the ocean and Harcourt’s body starts to disintegrate as salt water is deadly to Newcomer physiology, acting like acid. Francisco saves Sykes with the aid of a police helicopter, plunging his hand into the salt water to rescue him.
The film ends with Sykes and Francisco now friends and partners on the job and at the wedding of Sykes’ daughter. Roll credits.
Yeah, I know I say this a lot, but these basic synopses don’t do the story or the performances, or even the directing justice. But it is an engaging tale, with plenty for the sci-fi aficionados and the lovers of 80s action flicks.
This is an example of ‘world building’ done right. The Newcomers have their own language, spoken and written (written language looking like a visual representation of a cardiogram), in the film to set them apart from the mostly English-speaking humans. Also, their bodies cannot digest cooked or processed foods, and they get drunk on sour milk. There is a very cool scene in the film where the two cops’ bond over a drink. Sykes with whiskeys and Francisco drink sour milk from a carton that Sykes accidently left out before leaving for work. It’s a classic scene from many action movie and crime drama when two people from different socio/political environment have to work together for a common goal. Here there is just a little spin on the old troupe.
The Newcomers bodies are stronger, with the male bodies much broader than that of human’s. A larger chest and shoulders are the main physical tells here (think aliens that were drawn by Rob Liefeld). But the big difference, the main physical indicator, is the larger bald heads with intricate markings covering them in an array of unique patterns. Ultimately, they seem to be more like a different ethnic race and not another species. Which is something the producer Gale Ann Hurd wanted, but also adds weight to the second glass citizen status the Newcomers receive in their new adopted home and the bigotry that comes with it.
But the world building of this film is made more accessible through how we learn about it, and the Newcomers. There is not text crawl at the beginning of the film here. That cliché is replaced by new broadcasts on television as the film opens. Think the way the world of Robocop was fleshed out, but lest ridiculous. In this film its mainly through the interaction of our two leads characters, one a seemingly hard-nosed cop and bigot (he hates everyone remember) and an enthusiastic, often times naïve Newcomer trying to understand the humans around him. Francisco moves through the world with an equal dose of puzzlement and amazement, and we see ourselves through his eyes. Also, we find out about the world of the story and the alien Newcomer culture through the investigation the two main characters are on and their conversations. Essentially this is ‘exposition on the go’ similar to James Cameron’s The Terminator four year prior. Which is not surprise, as Cameron did uncredited rewrites on the film before filming began. This is always a breath of fresh air, because there is nothing worse than one of the characters stopping the story dead in its tracks and taking a massive steaming exposition dumb in the middle of the movie.
This film was not a massive hit when released, although is did much better on VHS rentals on home video and did become a cult classic. Enough of one that in 1989, an Alien Nation TV series was aired on network television. It only lasted one season of 21 episodes, but was popular enough to also receive five TV movies following on after the series ended.
Here we have more information about the Newcomers peppered throughout the TV show. The Newcomers officially get a name, Tenctonese. Also learn about mating rituals, biology and cultural identities and relationships. Like, the men carry the babies to term. Pretty cool little story element. The series, while expanding the world, also added a lighter and more comedic elements to the proceeding to go along with the more serious elements of the drama and the police procedural elements. The TV series came to be a cult favourite and award winning. And is still being praised today. Even while the film seems to be less talked about. Which is a shame. It is what started it all. And it was a perfect place to build a larger world and a franchise.
So, check out Alien Nation. It is a mix of sci-fi elements from films like Planet of the Apes and cop dramas like Dirty Harry, through the lens on 1980s futuristic America. It is a fun and enjoyable little ride and will make you think about who the world could possibly act if aliens actually did live amongst us.
And if nothing else, watch it to see James Caan partnered with an alien solving crime. What’s not to like there.
Thanks to all the great movies, Mr Caan. Rest in Perfection.
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Exploiting Wonderland 