Friends “The One Where Rachel Quits”

I like to do some Christmas episodes of tv shows in these reviews around this time of year, and with the recent passing of Matthew Perry, I had to do a Friends episode. But which one, there are ten. So I randomly generated a number and it came up with 3, so Season 3’s 10th episode “The One Where Rachel Quits”. And it’s a Chandler lite episode.

Like most sitcoms with a larger cast, there are a few different stories going on in the episode. SO, here are the basics. Ross accidently knocks down a girl scout selling cookies and she breaks her leg. Guilt stricken, he decides to sell Sarah’s (Mae Whitman) cookies for her so she can win first prize and go to space camp.  Monica’s access to the cookies, especially the Thin Mints, makes her crave them like a junkie, as she used to be an overweight girl with an eating disorder.

Joey is working a lot selling Christmas trees this year and Phoebe is against it, seeing it as tree murder. But she seems to be okay with it after Joey and Chandler convince her that the trees are fulfilling her Christmas destinies. That is until she visits Joey at work and witnesses the older trees being put through the wood chipper.

Rachel, still working as a waitress at Central Perk, is forced to retrain. She is bummed about it. She sees it as humiliating to be retrained in a job that she is bad at and hates. Chandler convinces her to quit and use the fear of uncertainty to chase a job in the fashion industry. Her dream.

Ross doesn’t sell as many cookies as he hoped, not winning the prize for Sarah, but creates a spaced themed fun space for her with Joey and Chandler’s help. The gang buys all the old trees for Phoebe, and Rachel gets her first fashion job. There is not a lot of Christmas in this Christmas episode, the tree storyline being the festive element. But it does have an important turning point for Rachel taking action. Okay episode, not the best. Should have done the Holiday Armadillo.

Batman: The Animated Series “Christmas With The Joker” (1992)

What’s Christmas without the always smiling Clown Prince of Crime? It’s boring, that’s what. You want some Joker, that means one thing, a Batman story. The episode “Christmas With The Joker” from the first season of Batman:TAS, sees the Joker escape from Arkham Asylum in a very ‘on brand’ way, on a rocket powered Christmas tree while singing ‘Batman Smells’. Then he seems to lie low.

Batman/Bruce Wayne is worried about the upcoming Christmas season with the Joker on the loose, but everything seems quiet in Gotham. No crime. After patrolling and coming up empty, Batman and Robin retire for the night back at Wayne Manor for a Christmas dinner and to watch It’s a Wonderful Life, which Bruce has never seen. But that is not what is on TV. They are instead greeted by a Christmas Special hosted by The Joker and his guests are the kidnapped Commission Gordon, Summer Gleeson, and Harvey Bullock. The Joker, speaking to the camera, says that if Batman doesn’t track him down by midnight, all three hostages will die.

The dynamic duo set out to track down the laughing fiend and save their friends. On their quest they follow the glues that lead them to save a train full of innocent people after a bridge is dynamited, find a fake transmitter on Mt. Gotham, an observatory telescope converted into a cannon, Joker automatons with machine gun hands, giant nutcracker soldier robots, remote control kamikaze planes with Joker faces, and the ever-reliable thugs with guns (this time named Donner and Blitzen). In the end the Joker is caught and sent back to Arkham, the hostages freed, and Bruce and Dick get to watch their movie.

Like all of Batman:TAS, it looks amazing. The futuristic art deco look of the city and the vehicles are a triumph. The character is solid, although the animation did improve. The presentation of the Joker is always a joy in the series, here dressed like a yuletide Mister Rogers with wicked intent. The voice and laughter provided by Mark Hamill. He outshines everyone here, even the great Kevin Conroy. Batman getting a cream pie in the face always makes me laugh. Nothing better at Christmas.

Millennium “Midnight of the Century” 1997.

Millennium is the second TV series that The X-Files creator Chris Carter developed. Taking elements from his previous show, this is an investigation procedural with protagonist Frank Black played by Lance Henriksen hunting serial criminals as part of the Millennium group. The show also contains religious elements, conspiracies and a dash of the fantastic. Frank also has an extreme empathic and low-level ESP that aids him in his mission. Like Will Graham in Hannibal.

Midnight of the Century is the first of two Christmas episodes from the series. At the beginning, Frank gets a Christmas card in the mail featuring an angel, the phrase “It’s the Midnight of the Century ”, with a postmark December 24, 1946. That phrase and the images of angels follow Frank throughout the episode, first at the house of friend and colleague Peter Watts (Terry O’Quinn), then toy shopping for his daughter Jordan (Brittany Tiplady), and later at the church play that Jordan is appearing in. While toy shopping, Frank sees a reflection of a young man, who he later sees at the church. Following him out to the graveyard, the young man, Simon, tells him of the ‘fetches’, spirits of those who will die in the coming year who travel to the graveyard at Christmas.

Catherine (Megan Gallagher), his wife, has issues with Frank passing his ‘gift’ on to Jordan, which is why they have separated. But her gift is more like another colleague of Frank’s, Lana (Kristen Cloke), who tells him of her angels. Which is similar to what he remembers of his mother’s gift. To understand it all, and be there for his daughter, Frank goes to see his estranged father Henry Black (Darren McGavin), who tells him the truth, and the whole story. Which I won’t give away here. But McGavin makes me cry every time. His performance is powerful, beautiful and sad. The two men reconcile after decades. Later, while picking Jordon up from church, she hugs her dad. Looking over his shoulder, she asks, ‘Who are those people?’. Frank and Jordan see the ‘fetches’ making their way to the graveyard. Henry Black is amongst them, at peace. Beautiful, heartfelt, bittersweet. A perfect departure for the regular formula.

MacGyver “The Madonna”

MacGyver is a show that was sold as an ‘action adventure’ series, but has always been very flexible with its format. Dark or action heavy to comical and family friendly stories, and has covered every kind of genre, so I am surprised that it took them until season 5 to do a Christmas episode.

In the episode, “The Madonna ”, we see Mac and Pete (Richard Dean Anderson & Dana Elcar) loading up Christmas presents in a van to be delivered to the Challenges Club, a charity that helps mostly children. Mac, while being a stand-up guy, is not a fan of Christmas. His mother died on the holiday while he was out of the country saving the world, and he blames himself for not being there.

Returning characters from the previous season return here. Cynitha Wilson (Roxanne Reese) who runs the Challenges Club, who is still mourning the death of her husband and battling the possible closure of the Challenges Club. And there is Breeze (Charles Andrew Payne), a troubled teenager with a chip on his shoulder, who the others look up to. While helping the Challenges Club, Mac and Pete also agree to track down the missing Virgin Mary statue from the local church run by Mac’s old friend Father Lafferty (Jackson Davis). They also rescue a homeless woman Carol (Jeanette Nolan) who that take to the Club. Carol turns out to be a little magical. She gets Breeze to help with the Christmas fundraising pageant, sets wheels in a moment that allow the sculptor of the Virgin Mary statue to forgive himself, the church and Gid over the death of his wife, and prompts Lafferty to tell Mac about his mother’s last days allowing him to forgive himself. After all ends well, Carol disappears and the Virgin Mary statue turns up again in the church. I wonder?

This has all the sentimental Christmas storylines rolled into one episode. And it’s not bad, but would have benefited from more humour and MacGyver-ing to make it stand out. But it’s still the MacGyver we all remember fondly. There is even a small early role for Katherine Isabelle as a little girl suffering from stage fright. A sweet Christmas offering.

Silent Night (2023)

Silent Night 2023 is not another remake of the holiday slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night. No, not at all. This film is an action thriller set in a year between two Christmases from legendary director John Woo, his first Hollywood film in 20 years, and writer Robert Archer Lynn.

On Christmas, Brian Godlock (Joel Kinnaman), is playing with his son Taylor and his new bike in the front yard. Two cars scream by chasing after each other with passengers shooting at their pursuers/attackers. A battle in a gang war rages through their neighbourhood. Which results in tragedy as a stray bullet kills Taylor. Brian chasers after the cars in foot dressed in a Christmas sweater, and managers to take out one of the drivers. He is shot multiple times for his trouble. Once in the throat. Brian recovers, although he cannot speak. His wife Saya (Catalina Sandino Mareno) tries to be emotionally and financially supportive. But Brian becomes cold and distant, unable to move on. Ultimately, the marriage crumbles and Saya moves out.

He gives himself one year to take down the gang, especially the leader, responsible for the death of his boy. So, he trains his body and his mind. Learns all he can and does some sleuthing. He even buys and tricks out an old Mustang. So, on Christmas Eve 2023, Brian brings the pain. The only person to figure out what Brian is doing is Detective Vassel (Kid Cudi), who turns up to help in the climax.

But the really interesting thing about this film is that there is no, repeat, NO dialogue in the film. Not one of the characters speaks a line. We hear radio announcers and police radio chatter at a few points, but that is basic exposition. The only communication is via text message to two instances that we see on screen. John Woo uses visuals to tell the story. Camera movement, scene transitions, lighting. He used music and the actor’s expressions as language. Kinnaman brings his A-game. Marco Beltrami’s score is a masterclass, cinematographer Sharone Meir and editor Zach Staenberg know the assignment. Love it or hate it, I see it as a pure cinematic experience that embodies the “show don’t tell” ethos. Future Christmas classic.

Merry Little Batman (2023)

Merry Little Batman is an animated family comedy from Warner Bros Animation, director Mike Roth and writers Morgan Evans and Jase Ricci. It exists in its own continuity and hopefully will be the beginning of a ‘Bat-Family’ series. And it’s so amazingly fun.

In this Christmas tale, young Damien Wayne (Yonas Kibreab) desperately wants to be a superhero like his dad Bruce and his alter ego Batman (Luke Wilson). But when Bruce found out he was going to be a father, he worked double time to clean up Gotham, in an hilarious little montage flashback. So, Gotham has been crime free for years. That doesn’t stop Damien from dreaming. He even makes himself a Bat suit and terrorises the mansion. Which Bruce and Alfred (James Cromwell) both take in the stride. Knowing how much his son wants to be a superhero, Bruce gives Damien his very own utility belt but warns him about being impatient for his superhero career path.

When both Batman and Alfred are called away on different business, burglars break in and set off a series of events that lead young Damien to steal a bat suit complete with AI Bat-Dad (also Luke Wilson) and head out in the night partly to get his utility belt back and prove he is worthy of responsibility. Soon, he is being manipulated by the Joker (David Hornsby), who is working with Poison Ivy, Bane, Mr Freeze and Penguin to steal and ruin Gotham’s Christmas, causing mischief and destruction all over Gotham. Until the climax, which sees the Joker trying to recruit Damien until the little superhero turns the tables in humorous fashion. And he gets some help from his dad. And they, along with Alfred and their cat Selina, deliver all of Gotham’s stolen presents.

This film is a romp. The animation style and character design is so fun and unique and flows beautifully with the story, it has to be seen. Humour is a little too cartoony at times, but the heart of the piece papers over that. Patrick Stump’s score and the soundtrack fits the yuletide mission. This charming Christmas film is perfect for not only DC fans, but for the family as a whole. I want more.

The Gingerdead Man (2005)

This is not strictly a Christmas movie, but it is a holiday favourite for many. It’s called The Gingerdead Man, how could I not cover it. The film is a 2005 comedy slasher from Full Moon Features, director Charles Band and witters William Butler and Domonic Muir. And features a Full Moon speciality, a tiny killer.

In Waco, Texas, Crazed spree killer and petty criminal Millard Findlemeyer (Gary Busey) is robbing a diner and everyone in it and killing them. This is also the place where proud father James Leigh (Newell Alexander), has taken son Jeremy (James Snyder) and daughter Sarah (Robin Sydney) to breakfast. Sarah is the only one who survives. Cut to two years in the future and Sarah and her now drunk mother Betty (Margaret Blye) are trying to keep the family bakery open and fending off creepy developer Jimmy Dean (Larry Cedar) and his bitchy entitled daughter Lorna (Alexia Aleman) from putting them out of business. But this bakery is going to be the scene of another spree killing.

After Findlemeyer is executed and cremated, his ashes are sent to his mother. His mother is a witch and sends the ashes in a batch of Gingerbread mix to the bakery. Later a 12-inch gingerbread man cookie comes to life, and Findlemeyer is resurrected as the Gingerdead Man. People start dying pretty quick from this buck tooth puppet and the other character types to be marked for death are the nerd in t love with the final girl Brick Fields (Jonathan Chase), the helpful best friend Julia (Daniela Melgoza) and the bad boy with the heart of gold Amos (Ryan Locke).

The acting here is bland, which is a shame, everyone here has done much better work. While the film is only 75mins long the obviously padded scenes can be tedious. And they take too long to get to the goofy killer cookie. The joke is more ‘they got Busey’, not any snappiness to the writing. Child’s Play it’s not.  If you are not a fan of B-movies, even self-aware ones with their tongues planted firmly in their cheeks, I can’t recommend this film. But if you are, jump on board and ride this weird train to WTF Town.

The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

When I first heard about this film, I went nuts. I had to see it. Directed by Clay Kaytis, written by Matt Lieberman, and produced by Chris Columbus are all good reasons. But for me it was Kurt Russell playing Santa Claus that got me.

In Lowell, Massachusetts, the Pierce family are struggling to come to terms with the death of husband and father Doug (Oliver Hudson). Mother Claire (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) tries to hold everything together. Son Teddy (Judah Lewis) not only has lost his Christmas spirit, but has become a juvenile delinquent stealing cars. Kate (Darby Camp) tries to keep the Christmas spirit alive for everyone. She even blackmails Teddy into helping her stay up and try to capture Santa on video delivering presents. They can only do this because Claire was called in to cover a co-worker’s shift leaving the kids home alone. But the thing is, they do capture Santa on film. Santa being seen, he flees up the roof. The Kids follow. Kate ends up in the sleigh with Teddy following. When Kate makes her presence known, Santa and the reindeer are startled, he loses control and accidentally teleports them all to Chicago, Illinois where the sleigh breaks down causing the reindeer to scatter, losing Santa’s hat and bag. Santa and the two kids team up to retrieve the reindeer, sleigh, hat and bag before it’s too late and Christmas is ruined.

It might seem like standard fare, but this film is a blast. The humour, the portrayal of Santa by the always amazing Kurt Russell, and the non-annoying kid characters, great music and cinematography, it seems like the perfect blend of sentimental and irreverent. And that is my sweet spot.  One of my favourite scenes is after Santa is arrested for stealing a car (Teddy’s idea), he is put in lockup. Seeing Christmas spirit is low, Santa gathers all the inmates together, and with some Christmas magic performs a blues/rock version of “Santa Claus is Back in Town ” complete with music, choreographed moves, and backup singers. It is amazing.

Seriously, there is so much to like about this flick. It’s on Netflix, check it out. You may just get another Christmas movie added to your list of favourites. 

Epilogue:

I hope you enjoyed this brief rundown of the weird mix of stuff I watched this Christmas. There was so many other flick and episodes I wanted to cover, like every Star Trek episode that mentions Christmas, a Doctor Who Christmas special and the film It’s a Wonderful Knife. So, Enjoy the season. And let me know if you want me to cover these and if there is anything I should cover next year. Love and hugs. Now I have some Christmas Specials to catch up on.