Everyone has their favourite films to watch over the Christmas season. Feel-good classics, Rom-Coms, an action classic or two, a gore filled horror, or something truly bizarre. So, to start, here are my current 12 favourite Christmas Movies.

12. Gremlins (1984) Joe Dante’s comedy introduced us to the Mogwai, Gizmo, the Gremlins, and the three rules. Dark Spielberg and Looney Tunes fun.

11. Black Christmas (1974) This cult classic Canadian slasher helped cement many of the cliches of slasher films in the 80s. Well shot, genuinely tense, good cast and the great John Saxon.

10. The Ref (1994) This Dennis Leary Christmas comedy about a criminal who takes a couple hostage, has to pose as their marriage therapist when the extended family shows up is vicious fun.

9. Silent Night, Deadly Night (2020) This notorious Christmas themed slasher film featuring a killer dressed as Santa is surprisingly well crafted and a psychologically intriguing killer. And wicked nuns.

8. Silent Night (2020) Remake of the previous entry with the gore and inventive kills ramped up to eleven. A different story with Malcom McDowell stealing every scene he is in.

7. Home Alone (1990) A modern classic with as much heart and soul as pratfalls and slapstick. If you haven’t seen it, educate yourself. If you don’t love it, you’re dead inside.

6. Better Watch Out (2016) A tense and fun horror film with a Kevin McAllaster style teenager who is a manipulating and violent sociopath.

5. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) A kidnapped Santa teaches the children of Mars about the true meaning of Christmas. The Mystery Science 3000 or RiffTrax versions of the film are the best.

4. Trading Places (1984) Basically a modern tale on the Prince and the Pauper set at Christmas featuring Eddie Murphy, Dan Ackroyd and Jamie Lee Curtis showing why they are amazing.

3. The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (2022) Fun and irreverent holiday special with a lot of heart in James Gunn’s style. Plus, Kevin Bacon sings.

2. Violent Night (2022) Ex-Viking warrior, now Santa Claus, has a drinking problem and gets caught up in a ‘Die Hard’ situation. What’s not to like?  

1. Die Hard (1988) The all-time Christmas classic action movie starring the iconic Bruce Willis and action cinema’s best villain in Alan Rickman’s Hans Gruber. You had to know this was going to be number one.

And now, let’s get to stuff I watched this season.

To All A Goodnight (1980)

To All A Goodnight is a 1980 Christmas themed slasher film directed by actor and musician David Hess, who is most famous for playing the leader of the gang of killers in Wes Craven’s Last House on The Left. This is the only feature film he has ever directed.

The story centres around a group of sorority girls, who decide to stay at the rural Calvin Finishing School For Girls over Christmas and have a party instead of going home to family celebrations. Melody, Leia, Trisha and Sam (Linda Gentile, Judith Bridges, Angela Bath & Denise Stears) all stay along with the virginal Nancy (Jennifer Runyon) all decide to stay for their own reasons. To enjoy themselves, they drug the house mother Mrs. Jensen (Kiva Lawrence), and fly their boyfriends in. All seems to go to plan until some dressed in a Santa Claus costume starts killing the 30-year-old teenagers and their boyfriends.

The next day after some of their group seem to be missing, the cops are called in, and they too get embroiled in the action of the situation. One cop sleeping with one of the students. I hope he checked how old she was. But it all just gives the killer more victims.

Even though the film came out in 1980, this is a very cliché driven, paint by numbers kind of movie. It steals plot points, character types, and kills from Black Christmas and Friday the 13th. It even has its own ‘Crazy Ralph’ in caretaker Um… Ralph (West Buchanan), who is just a red herring, he is actually wearing red. It also has the seemingly teleporting killer and the final girl. But all the female victims are basically the same. They’re all Margot Kidder from Black Christmas. Except for Nancy.

This film is clumsily made and could have done with a rewrite (especially when it comes to the characters and their motivations) and more in the budget. But there are some good shots, even if the movie doesn’t make a lot of sense. Honestly, I love watching this film with friends to riff on it. Not the best killer Santa movie. Fun fact: Porn star Harry Reems plays the pilot who flies the boys in.

Batman Returns (1992)

Batman Returns is a 1992 big budget sequel to the 1989 blockbuster, Batman. Once again directed by Tim Burton, this was written by Daniel Waters from a story from Waters and the writer of the first film Sam Hamm. Apart from continuing and gritty story and imagery, this film has more violence and fantasy elements injected into the film that would be at home in Beetlejuice or Edward Scissorhands. And yes, the story takes place at Christmas.

Here, we have two classic villains from Batman’s rogue’s gallery in The Penguin and The Catwoman (played by Danny DeVito and Michelle Pfeiffer), joining the returning cast including Michael Gough as Alfred, Pat Hingle as Commission Gordon and Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne and his alter ego billionaire Bruce Wayne. 

The film states in flashback as two Gotham socialites, dismayed at the birth of their malformed son, discard the child in the sewer where he is saved and raised by Penguins (not kidding). Growing up to become the Penguin. He also on the low key runs the Red Circus Gang that is terrorising the city. Later, he finds out he is Oswald Cobblepot, heir to a lost fortune. 

Also, Billionaire industrialist Max Shrek (Christopher Walken) kills his secretary Selina Kyle, after she finds out about his shady business dealings by pushing her out a window. She is brought back to life by a cluster of stray cats (somehow) and her personality completely changed. And she costumes up and messes stuff up.

There are weird team ups, Penguin and Shrek, Penguin and Catwoman, Selina and Bruce. There is an ongoing theme of identity and birthright throughout the film. And the climax is as weird and twisted as it is explosive and exciting. Pfeiffer is by far my favourite thing about this film, but DeVito plays the twisted bird boy with creepy flair. The production design is impressive, Danny Elfman’s score is F*#KING awesome, Stefan Czapsky is all style, and I love the Batman vehicles and gadgets here more so than the first. Other actors that feature are Michael Murphy, Andrew Bryniarski, Vincent Schiavelli, Paul Reubans, Diane Salinger, Doug Jones and Cristi Conway as the Ice Princess who dies at a big Christmas event in Gotham.

Hardware (1990)

Hardware is a cyberpunk sci-fi horror film from writer-director Richard Stanley (his debut feature) and has since become a cult classic of the sci-fi genre. Why am I including it at Christmas? Well, not only is it a good flick, the story takes place on Christmas. I thought that was a given.

Taking place in a post-apocalyptic Earth, a nomad scavenger finds the remnants of an android in the desert and looks to sell it. But the junk dealer Alvy (Mark Northover) step away from the negotiations and Mo Baxter (Dylan McDermott), a former soldier, who is there with his friend Shades (John Lynch), buys the parts and sells everything to Alvy except the head. The head he plans on giving to his girlfriend Jill (Stacey Travis) for Christmas, as she is a metal sculptor. Later, at Jill’s apartment, Jill eagerly accepts the head and plans to make it the feature of her latest work. Jill thanks Mo with a good old-fashioned role in the hey as they are being spied on by overweight creep peeping tom Lincoln (William Hootkins), from the building across the street.

Mo gets a call from Alvy to come to his shop right away, and leaves straight away. Once there, Alvy tells Mo that the robot parts were from a M.A.R.K. 13, a bot designed for population control. Basically, it’s a killer designed to preform human genocide to save the Earth from overpopulation. Mo rushes back to Jill. Meanwhile, Jill discovers that the robot head has used her sculpture and appliances in her apartment to build itself a new body. Its mission, to kill Jill and anyone human. Mo, and Shades, both rush to help Jill, as she is stalked through her apartment. And F#@KED me, is it tense.

This film is visually stunning considering the very low budget. Stanley’s talent and creativity as a filmmaker are on fine display here. Travis and McDermott are excellent as our protagonists, and Hootkins is one of the most effectively creepy slimeballs on screen. Also, there are cameos from Iggy Pop and Lemmy. Steven Chivers’ cinematography and Simon Boswell’s score make a simple claustrophobic story epic. Hard to find, but well worth your time.

Trading Places (1983)

Trading Places is a 1983 comedy directed by John Landis, written by Timothy Harris & Herschel Weingrod. This film, while being a modern take on the Prince and The Pauper, tackles the themes of self-worth, class, and the callousness of the rich. And it’s a Christmas movie, with most of the film’s story taking place around the Christmas and New Year season.

The film centres around a bet made between the billionaire brothers, Randolph and Mortimer Duke (Ralph Bellamy & Don Ameche), who hold different views on human nature. To this end, the wager is made to turn a rich and well-mannered man into a desperate criminal, and a criminal into a successful and respected businessman. Their targets are the wealthy snob Louis Winthrope III (Dan Aykroyd) and the poor street hustler Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy).

Winthrope is framed as a thief and drug dealer, loses his job, has his bank accounts frozen, his fiancée leaves him, and his home is lost. The only help he gets is from a kind cliched hooker with the heart of gold Ophelia (Jamie Lee Curtis) who takes him in. Valentine is bailed out of jail by the Dukes, and under the guise of an experimental program to transform the lives of the disenfranchised, given Winthrope’s house, a big bank account, clothes, and a high paying job at the firm of Duke and Duke. Then, the Duke brothers sit back and observe. When Valentine finds out about the bet, he searches out Winthrope. They team up, along with Ophelia and the Winthrope/Valentine’s butler Coleman (Denholm Elliot), and hatch a plan to take down the Duke Brothers but bankrupting them using the stock market. 

There is a lot to like in this almost cut classic. Most of that is down to Murphy and Aykroyd, two comedy legends who completely become their characters. Curtis is a gem and Elliot is a joy to watch. And cameos from Frank Oz, Bo Diddley, and Jim Belushi. The humour is a mix of high and low humour, but none seems forced or out of place. While it is not as fast paced as recent comedies, and not a traditional Christmas movie, it still works.

First Blood (1982)

First Blood is a 1982 action thriller from director Ted Kotcheff, and written by Michael Kozoll, William Sackhiem and Sylvester Stallone, based on the novel by David Morrell. It’s an early 80s film that showed the psychological damage of soldiers returning from Vietnam.

In the film, ex-special forces soldier John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), who is hitchhiking across the country, arrives at the house of his last surviving war buddy, only to find out he died a year ago. Chest fallen, Rambo gives his condolences, and heads out down the road. Later he arrives at the outskirts of the town of Hope, Washington, where the town sheriff Will Teasle (Brian Dennehy) offers to give him a ride. That ride is to the other side of the town limits. Teasle tells him that drifters like him are not welcome in the town and leaves him on the side of the road. When Rambo begins walking back towards the town, Teasle arrests him for vagrancy. At the police station decorated for Christmas, Rambo is brutalised by Galt (Jack Starett) and the other deputies. This cause Rambo’s PTSD, complete with horrific flashback to torture, to hit. He turns the tables and fights his way out of the police station, and flees through the town and heads towards the surrounding forest with the cops in hot pursuit. Rambo takes down the cops without killing them. Soon, on the strength of Teasle’s lie, the state and federal cops, FBI, and the nation guard set out to capture Rambo. The only ally he has is General Trautman (Richard Crenna), who first warns the cops then figures out Teasle’s illegal actions. The climax of the Rambo fight of survival is the almost destruction of the town.

This is a great action film. It is iconic, but is overshadowed by the 80s macho sequels. It is an exceptional film. And only one-character dies in the film, and that is from his own bloodlust and stupidity. Rambo, as played by Stallone, is a character you feel for and you want him to win out. Kotcheff, and Cinematographer Andrew Laszlo make this a beautiful and exciting film to watch, and Jerry Goldsmith’s score makes it a classic. I just wish the sequels were better.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

Eyes Wide Shut is a 1999 erotic mystery drama directed by the legend Stanley Kubrick, who also produced the film and co-wrote the film with Frederic Raphael. It’s also Kubrick’s final film, being released after his death.

The film centres around Dr William “Bill” Harford, his wife Alice (Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman) and their daughter Helena living in New York City. One night at a Christmas party hosted by Victor Ziegler (Sydney Pollack), Bill runs into old college friend Nick (Todd Field) who now plays piano professionally. Later, host Victor interrupts saying Mandy, a girl Victor has been sleeping with has overdosed. Bill aids in the girl’s recovery.

Catching up with Nick, he tells Bill that he plays piano, blindfolded, at a regular orgy in a mansion outside New York. Bill rents a costume, goes to the mansion, gives the password Nick gave him, and he is in. And the inside is exactly what you think it is. Lots and lots of naked people wearing masks. There is a secret society active in this house, and Bill is in the middle of it. He is unmasked, but rescued, and sworn to secrecy.

What follows is the disappearance of Nick, shady characters following Bill and his family, murders, and all manner of creepy things, tied up with this secret society. It is a mystery, but layered more with a mysterious atmosphere than an actual mystery. At the end of the film, the conversational revelation is very bland.

The problem with his film is that it gives the appearance of something happening, but nothing actually does. Turns out the secret society is not really a threat, and marital problems Bill and Alice are having aren’t really problems. And one theory of the film is that, after the first party when Bill and Alice get stoned together, that the events that follow don’t actually happen. If you have watched the film, the theory has weight. Apart from the cast (which include Thomas Gibson, Rade Serbedzija, Leelee Sobieski, & Alan Cumming), the graphic nudity, the Christmas imagery, and the ‘look’ of the film, I can’t recommend this. Eye Wide Shut is as boring to me as Barry Lydon, and it’s sad that it’s Kubrick’s last.  

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982)

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (also known as Pranks and Death Dorm) is a 1982 mystery slasher film from directors Jeffery Obrow and Stephen Carpenter, the latter also co-writing the film with Stacey Giachino.

After an end of year party at a university, all the students head home for the Christmas holidays, except for Joanne (Laurie Lapinski) and four of her friends, Brian, Patty, Graig, and Debbie (David Snow, Pamela Holland, Stephen Sachs, and Daphne Zuniga). They are staying behind to clean out and shut down the recently condemned Morgan Meadows Hall, which consists of removing all the furniture, stripping the fixtures, removing appliances, food, and other items. The Hall is to be renovated and turned into student apartments. And these students, led by Joanne have only two weeks to do their assigned task. This includes selling the furniture to second-hand dealers like leering creep Bobby Lee Tremble (Dennis Ely), who is also one of the film’s red herrings. Why ‘red herring’? Well, some person, in Giallo fashion, is stalking, pranking and killing the students and other outliers such as maintenance workers, cops, and concerned parents. The local fuzzy haired weirdo, and our ‘Crazy Ralph’ of the movie, is John Hemmit (Woody Roll), is the other red herring. After messing with the students, the killer gets bolder. There are some creative kills, until the final reveal and a pretty cool twist with the established horror cliches.

Honestly, apart from the cliché twist, there is nothing really new here that allows the film to stand out. But is it an actual competent film, unlike other films in the genre released around this time. But it does have music by Christopher Young who went on to do the scores for Hellraiser and Sinister. What is interesting about this film was that it was made by University of California students with a tiny budget, using other students and friends, and University equipment. And was actually filmed on the 1980/1981 Christmas break. Love or loathe it, these students succeeded, and the film was even distributed theatrically in 1982 and re-released in 1983. Middle of the road horror, check it out this season, but go for the uncut version. Currently free on YouTube.

Puppet Master Vs Demonic Toys (2004)

Puppet Master Vs Demonic Toys is a 2004 horror comedy from director Ted Nicolaou and writer C. Courtney Joyner, and comes from the Syfy Channel and Charles Bands’ Full Moon Features. This is a ‘Vs’ film using two existing properties from Full Moon’s roster of popular franchises. They had done this before with Dollman Vs The Demonic Toys which had those two properties, plus characters from Bad Channels, in the same tiny horror showdown.

This film sees the great grand nephew of the original puppet master Andre Toulon, Robert Toulon (Corey Feldman) and his daughter Alexandra (Danielle Keaton), working in their toys and puppet workshop. They are trying to recreate the original formula to bring Toulon’s puppets to life. Working from Toulon’s notebook, they finally achieve success and four of the little sometime terrors/sometimes angels to life; Blade, Six Shooter, Jester and Pinhead. But they are being spied on via a hidden camera hidden inside a toy ladybug.

The person spying is Erica Sharpe (Vanessa Angel) of Sharpe Toys. She desperately wants the puppets and Toulon’s formula to protect herself. She has made a deal with the demon Bael, to use her toys to kill every child who owns one on Christmas. Bael will win a great victory over innocence and Erica will rule what is left of the world. To this end, Bael even has her three demonic toys; Baby Oopsy Daisy, Jack Attack and Grizzly Teddy. When Robert tries to warn people, and then when his daughter is kidnapped by the villains, Toulon’s puppets (with some upgrades) wage war against Erica, Bael, and their Demonic Toys.

This movie is silly, gory (kinda) fun. It’s a weird little horror comedy set at Christmas that indeed does feel like a Syfy Channel film. More so than Full Moon by itself. In a way, it is the perfect Christmas film from both studios. It’s campy and cheesy, but oddly charming. It makes me smile. Apart from the puppets/toys, the big draw is Feldman and Angel’s over the top scenery chewing. It may be missing the great stop motion animation of past entries, and it isn’t my favourite of either franchise, in the Christmas season, I just can’t help myself.