Number One With A Bullet (1987)

In the 80s, with films like 48 Hours and Running Scared, the buddy cop genre was starting to take off. Before Lethal Weapon would define the genre, Cannon films made their own. But unfortunately, it was Number One With a Bullet.

It features two cops with conflicting personalities (shock!). The irrational and unpredictable Nick Barzack (Robert Carradine) and the cultured, polite, and suave Frank Hazeltine (Billy Dee Williams), try to take down a major drug trafficker, DeCosta (Barry Sattels), who seems virtually untouchable.

Nick has a rocky, on and off again relationship with his ex-wife Teresa (Valerie Bertinelli), and a love hate relationship with his mother played by Doris Roberts. Frank on the other hand is a musician at heart playing trumpet at a local jazz club in his off hours, and is a ladies’ man of superhero proportions.

As the two cops navigate their personal lives, they are bested in their professional lives by the bad guy and his goons and hitmen. But after separate attempts on their lives that leave Frank hurt and another that almost kills Teresa, the two go on the offensive. Things get trickier when they find out there is a rat in the department.

The formula is not rocket science. It’s a by the numbers action thriller that could have used more comedy. The comedy is either pedestrian or mean spirited. Seriously, the character of Barzack is a complete dick with everyone around him, his treatment of his ex-wife is almost harassment, and he’s constantly derailing Frank’s lovelife. And this is a guy we are supposed to be rooting for.

The direction by Jack Smight is bland and uninspired. There are some slick action sequences and good stunt work. The script needed to be refined with another rewrite or two, because the story was thin without the budget to flesh the film out with more action.. The cast all do good jobs with the material they are given, but Carradine was miss casted and Billy Dee Williams dissevered better. But it was nice to see Peter Graves as the Captain and Mykelti T. Williamson as the flamboyant hood Casey.

Solid effort but falls short. This was another flop for Canon Films. Only for the curious.

Running Scared (1986)

From a failed buddy cop flick, to a great, yet underrated one. The film Running Scared is a buddy cop action comedy from director Peter Hyams, and written by Gary DeVore and Jimmy Huston.

Two Chicago cops, Ray Hughes and Danny Costanzo (Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal) attempt to put away drug dealer and smuggler Julio Gonzales (Jimmy Smits). We first see the part staking out the apartment building of drug runner Snake (Joe Pantoliano) and watching a neighbourhood basketball game. They arrest Snake, but he ends up inadvertently tagging along, hand cuffed of course, as the cops are almost mugged, investigate an apparent suicide and hastly make it to the funeral of Danny’s Aunt Rose. Where they run into Danny’s ex-wife Anna (Darlanne Fluegel), who Danny is still in love with.

When a bust goes wrong, Ray and Danny are forced to go on vacation by Captain Logan (Dan Hedaya). Using the $40,000 inherited from Aunt Rose, the pair head to Key West, where they live it up. They decided to retire early and buy a bar in Key West.

Returning to Chicago, they give their 30-day notice and then use that time to take down Gonzales once and for all. But they have short timers’ syndrome, and are worried about getting killed before they retire. Two over eager rookie detectives get in their way. And when Gonzales’ shipment is seized, he kidnaps Anna to exchange for the drugs. Que the action and quips.

This is one of the funniest action movies out there. But they don’t go down the parody route. The humour is all delivered by the interaction between the two old friends and partners. Crystal and Hines’ chemistry is amazing to watch. Crystal had permission to improvise many of his scenes, which elevate everything on offer. The fake phone calls Crystal makes always crack me up. This was also Smits’ first film role, and damn is he a good villain.

This movie was a success, and the studio backed every decision, even the car chase on the train tracks, which is a highlight. Not bad considering the director and the leads had never done anything like this before.  The action is superb. Reviews and trailers are on YouTube. Indulge yourself.

Dead Heat (1988)

This film was released in the sweet spot of the 80s action boom and the buddy cop flick. But Dead Heat does it all differently. How? You ask. Well, it mixes the action buddy cop genre with a horror comedy. Don’t believe me. Go watch it and come back. All caught up? Good.

Detectives Roger Mortis and Doug Bigelow (Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo) are called to the scene of a jewellery store robbery in progress. They and the other cops get into a shoot out with the thieves who have impressive weaponry. Regardless of being shot multiple times, the bad guys just won’t go down, until our heroes use more extreme measures. Later, the corner Rebecca (Clare Kirkconnell) tells the duo that the bodies they brought in have been there before. A chemical compound found in the bodies is linked to a company that is doing experimental work.

While investigating the company, after finding a strange machine that can bring people back from the dead, Roger is locked in a decompression room and asphyxiated to death. He is brought back to life, well, kinda. He is still dead, but walking around. A company employee Randi James (Lindsay Frost) tells Roger that the machine can’t bring back people indefinitely. He only has 12 hours to find the people responsible for this death, and who is using the machine to commit crimes on a large scale using undead thugs. Is it Dr Ernest McNab (Darren McGavin) or the company’s founder Arthur P Loudermilk (Vincent Price)?

This film is a practical effects wonderland. Amazing creature design (the butcher shop scene), and stunning make-up effects on the reanimated people. Mix that with the typical 80s over the top action with its explosions and impressive stunt work, and this film is a visual treat.

When you also throw in a top-notch script by Terry Black that tells a great and goofy story, and is filled with a lot of humour. Most of that was delivered by Williams and Piscopo themselves (Piscopo improvised most of his lines. These dudes had chemistry. It’s good to see Darren McGavin play a villain. But we needed more Vincent Price.

Best Line:

Randi: Hey, you’re hurt.

Roger: Lady, I’m fucking dead.

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

The Midnight Meat Train is a horror film based on a short story from Clive Barker that first appeared in his Books of Blood collection.

It’s the story of Leon (Bradley Cooper), a street photographer who is obsessed with capturing the essence of New York. His girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb) and friend and agent Jurgis (Roger Bart) get him an interview, of sorts, with high end gallery owner Susan (Brooke Shields). When she says he has a good eye, but his work is too safe, Leon is determined to capture something real and confronting. He does, in the form of an attempted mugging, which he takes photos of until his moral compass compels him to intervene. The woman thanks him and gets on the subway train. The next day, the woman turns up missing. But Susan loves the pictures.

Through his photos of that night, and the photos of an odd and imposing man named Mahogany (Vinnie Jones), he pieces together that Mahogany, a butcher by trade, has something to do with the disappearance. Leon quickly becomes curious, then obsessed.

Mahogany gets on the train every night at the same time and brutally kills whoever he finds there. A wider conspiracy is revealed that involves the train conductor (Tony Curran) and Detective Lynn Hadley (Barbara Eve Harris), that leads Leon and friends to discover the strange and supernatural secret of the city that never sleeps.

Directed by Japanese born Ryuhei Kitamura (the man behind Versus and Godzilla: Final Wars) doesn’t just create a film that is visually stunning, but visually intelligent. The images are strikingly brilliant, with the perfect shot composition (featuring colour, light and shadow), slow motion, every camera trick available, and some CGI for good measure, this horror film is one of the best I’ve seen that balances style and story. Oh, there are gory kills, but they are like a macabre ballet or a ritual lovingly performed, which isn’t far from the truth. The third act is a complete left turn, but still fits within the story. And the music by Robert Williamson and Johannes Kobilke, stitch it all together. The ending still leaves me speechless after all these years. Underrated modern classic.

Best kill goes to Ted Raimi.

Blood Beach (1982)

Blood Beach is a horror film written and directed by Jeffery Bloom. The film has this tagline, “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water—you can’t get to it.” Now what kind of film do you think this is?

On Venice Beach, California, harbour patrol officer Harry Caulder (David Huffman) heads out for his morning swim. He greets an old friend Ruth (Harriet Medin) and her dog on his way. Moments later Ruth is pulled under the sand by an unseen force. Harry reports Ruth’s scream and disappearance to two police detectives, Royko and Piantadosi (Burt Young & Otis Young). They later find Ruth’s dog dead on the beach.

More people start disappearing and attacked by unseen creatures, it becomes a major emergency. The authorities are at a loss to explain it, and people start to panic. Heading the investigation is Police Captain Pearson (John Saxon). He adds more cops and patrolmen, asks Caulder of harbour patrol to do the same, and even digs up the beach. Harry Caulder, and Ruth’s daughter Catherine (Marianna Hill), start their own investigation and rekindle their old romance.

There is a good idea here, a similar idea was used in Tremors to much success. Here the premise is wasted. There is too much of Harry and Catherine’s love story, that makes large sections of the story dull. Every time the cops are on screen, the film picks up. The clash of personalities between Chicago transplant Royko and Piantadosi was a delight to watch, as is Royko’s reactions to everything around him. John Saxon as the police captain kicks major ass, as usual, and is my favourite character in the film. The cops in this film are smart, competent, and relatable. The rest of the cast of characters, not so much. If the film was just about the police investigation into the strange disappearances and the creatures they find, then the film would have been a million times better.

The decision to never see the creature, except for a few shadow glimpses, was a mistake. They learnt the wrong lessons from Jaws, which this film is directly influenced by. It needed a bigger payoff.

Only for the hardcore horror hounds.

Summer of Fear (1978)

Did you know that horror maestro Wes Craven directed movies for television? No joke. This film, Summer of Fear (aka Stranger in the House) was the first of four TV movies that Wes helmed in his four decades in the film industry. That puts him in the company of Tobe Hooper, Mick Garis and John Carpenter.

After Tom and Leslie Bryant (Jeremy Slate & Carol Lawerance) tell the teenage daughter Rachael (Linda Blair) that her aunt and uncle are dead, killed in a car accident with their housekeeper, they are out the door flying to take care of the funeral and their niece Julia (Lee Purcell). They return with Julia, who is now joining the household. While she is shy and friendly at first, there is something about her Rachel doesn’t trust. She quickly becomes the golden child. Spending more time with the parents, stealing Rachel’s boyfriend Mike (Jeff McCracken), sabotaging Rachel’s horse-riding competition (resulting in Rachel’s horse being injured and put down), manipulates Leslie through guilt, and literally begins to seduce Tom. Why? Because Julia isn’t really Julia. She is an evil witch, just coming into her powers. She is Sarah Brown, housekeeper to the Grant’s, and not Rachel’s cousin. Rachel’s only allies are her nurse friend Carolyn (Fran Drescher) and kindly Professor Javis (Macdonald Carey), the local occult expert, as she figures out how to take her down.

Based on a novel by Lois Duncan, this is not a bad little film, for the time. It was around this time in the late 70s that TV movies and Mini-series were starting to become events and something that could stand on their own. A story about an outsider manipulating a family’s generosity is not a new one, but this one has a supernatural edge.

While there are a lot of melodramatic moments, and the characterizations are stereotypical (Blair’s spoiled child routine does get old), there is a lot to like here. Especially if you view it through the lens of when and how it was made.

Alas, there are not a lot of ‘Wes’ moments in the film, as he was a director of hire here. But when Julia goes full witch at the climax, Wes is clearly visible.

Alone in the Dark (1982)

This early 80s slasher flick is the first film produced by New Line Cinema before they would hit gold with Wes Craven’s dream demon.

This film centres around a psychiatric hospital run by Dr Leo Bain (Donald Pleasence) whose treatment program is experimental. We learn about it through new appointee Dr Dan Potter (Dwight Schultz). Everyone who is treated there can freely roam and interact. Except the patients on the third floor. They have experienced devastating trauma that has turned them into unpredictable killers. Pyromaniac evangelist Byron “Preacher” Sutcliff (Martin Landau), obese child molester Ronald Elster (Erland van Lidth), shy serial killer John “The Bleeder” Skaggs (Phillip Clark), and their leader, P.O.W. Frank Hawkes (Jack Palance).

After Dr Potter and family set up their new home, he starts work replacing Dr Merton, the psychiatrist of the four unstable men. These patients are angered by Merton’s departure and are convinced that Dr Potter is responsible. They steal his address from Bain’s office and escape during a black out intent on killing the doctor. They make short work of anyone who gets in their way.

Director Jack Sholder’s first feature is a good one. Nicely shot with great performances (two from future Oscar winners), the lighting, camera work, and score build the tension wonderfully, and is capped by Tom Savini’s excellent make-up effects. The story has some nice twists and turns. After a dream sequence at the beginning, we are led to believe that Donald Pleasence is the villain, but it is just part of the damaged psyche of these men. The four killers are the focus of this story, and they are not the usual murders typical in slasher films of the time. The ending with Palance proves as much.

Of the film Sholder said: “I was trying to make a statement about society. What’s normal and what isn’t? What if we break through the thin veneer of civilization? You have a bunch of people who are so-called crazy, and they’re out into the world and they fit right in. And also, what saves the family, is a moment of rationality on Hawkes’ part. He just says: ‘Sorry, I guess I was wrong.’”

If you haven’t seen it, it is definitely worth your time.

The Fog (1980)

Anyone who knows me, knows I love John Carpenter’s movies. The Fog sometimes gets left out of the conversation when people cover his movies.

The film centres around the town of Antonio Bay, California and a curse laid upon it in 1880. The story goes that the six founders of the town conspired to kill a rich man named Blake who wanted to start a leper colony near the original settlement. They sank Blake’s ship the Elizabeth Dane, with all hands aboard and stole a fortune in gold. Using the riches to fund the town’s creation. 100 years later the ghosts of Blake and his crew emerge from a supernatural fog to kill the ancestors of the six conspirators. The film is separated by four stories that come together at the climax. Nick Castle and the hitchhiker Liz (Tom Atkins & Jamie Lee Curtis) who investigate the first deaths on a fishing boat Nick owns, the town’s priest Father Malone (Hal Holbrook) who finds his great grandfather journal detailing the events that lead to the curse, the town’s mayor and her assistant (Janet Leigh & Nancy Loomis) as they prepared for the town’s 100-year celebration, and the town’s sexy voiced DJ Stevie Wayne (Adrienne Barbeau) as she attempts to inform the town.

Right from the start, the film has you hooked. It opens on a beach as an old sailor is telling ghost stories to a group of children, one being the story of Blake. This harkens the film’s story back to an old storytelling tradition, something that Carpenter and Debra Hill intended. The scenes of the town over the credits, mixed with Carpenter’s awesome score, shows creepy supernatural occurrences happening in the dead of night, foreshadowing the coming events.

The concept takes centre stage, instead of the characters. The story is a little uneven because of it. But I think the performances, the style of the filmmaking, the score, and the make-up and practical effects, more than make up for this. It has gotten a critical reappraisal over the years, despite Carpenter not loving the film. I have always enjoyed it. Especially Stevie Wayne’s tangle with the ghostly sailors and the stringer ending.

Not the best, but enough of the good stuff.