Here is the Second Collection of Christmas Reviews for the month. The first four cover a few shorts and TV episodes followed by some season classics new and old. Enjoy.

Bedtime For Sniffles

When I think of Warner Bros., my mind goes to the iconic cartoon shorts they poured into the pop culture zeitgeist since the 1930s. The Looney Tune and Merrie Melodies have always been the benchmark of animation for me. And while it’s true that I like a little more anarchy in my cartoons, every now and then something ridiculously cute plays the right heart strings and the tune lands.

Bedtime For Sniffles is a Merry Melodies short from 1940, and is probably the best, if not the sweetest, Christmas short the WB ever did. And definitely the best of the Sniffles shorts.

The story revolves around young mouse Sniffles who, on Christmas Eve, is determined to stay awake past midnight to meet Santa Claus as he is delivering presents. Everything little Sniffles does to stay awake, like singing and dancing, talking to himself in the mirror, drinking cups of coffee and dunking his head in cold water, is undermined by the spectre of sleep and the warm bed mocking him in the corner.

The look and feel of this cartoon is sweet without being sickeningly sentimental. I think it has a lot to do with the background and layouts of Sniffles’ little house (the radio that takes up half the house, the thimble coffee mug, the eye dropper water faucets, etc), and the always amazing music by Carl W Stalling. But it is the vocal performance of Margaret Hill-Talbot as Sniffles that makes this short honest and believable story of a mouse that believes in Santa wanting to see the jolly man.

Chuck Jones, the animation titan, directed this short. Well before hitting his stride in the late 40s and the 50s, he showed here he could be simple and sweet as well as the zany and abstract comedy short that the world, and myself, love him for. Here, he focuses on facial animation, which is some of the best in the classic golden age.

You can watch the short online in many places. I watched it on Daily Motion. Just type the title into Google and slip into a simpler time.

Futurama “Xmas Story”.

Okay, I’m hitting you with a Christmas episode here.

Now, if you don’t know about Futurama (seriously, where the hell have you been living) it is a futuristic comedy animated TV show created by Matt Groening and David X. Cohen not only riffs on science fiction but politics, religion and pop culture at large. And is seriously one of the best things created for television.

This episode, “Xmas Story” from Season 2, is the first of the Futurama Christmas episodes made for the show.

It centres around our hapless hero out of time Phillip J Fry, learning that the treasured seasonal holiday has changed into something very different to what he knows. Even if the core of the holiday remains the same. For example, pine trees have been extinct for 800 years so Xmas trees are now decorated Palm Trees.

When Fry wants to venture out to find a present for Leela because she is feeling a little depressed, Professor Farnsworth fills him in on the dangers. In 2801 the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa Claus to determine who had been naughty and who had been nice and distribute presents accordingly. But the robot’s standards were set too high and he judges everyone to be naughty. And according to Amy if he is caught out after sundown Santa will chop off his head and stuff his neck full of toys from his stack of horrors.

Honestly, this premise fits in perfectly with the show and delivers the comedy accordingly. And pokes fun at what you would expect from cultural shifts, commercialisation out of control, to unreachable standards. And while the following Christmas themed episode, “A Tale of Two Santas” from Season four is more memorable in my opinion, this is a great starting point for a recurring theme and character.

And having Santa played by John Goodman here is as inspired as the casting of Kelsey Grammer Sideshow Bob. And his arsenal of Xmas weapons, like the decoration grenades and the T.O.W. missiles (a play on mistletoe), are just as cool and his fire breathing robotic reindeer.

Why not watch all the Xmas episodes in a row this Christmas? I am.

Tales From The Crypt “And All Through The House”.

Okay, now I want to take a moment and talk about my favourite Christmas episodes of television ever. Tales From The Crypt, season one episode entitled ‘And All Through The House’, which was originally aired in 1989.

Many of the episodes of the series were based on stories that first appeared in the EC Comics horror magazines from the 1950s. This story first appeared in issue 35 of The Vault of Horror in 1954. The story centres around a wife (Mary Ellen Trainer) who has had enough of her domineering husband (Marshall Bell) and dispatches him with a fire poker on Christmas Eve. All under the nose of the couple’s ‘far-too-excited-for-Chistrmas’ daughter, Carrie Ann.

But unbeknownst to the wife (the characters in this story never actually get names), a homicidal maniac escapes from a nearby Institute for the Criminally Insane (I do love the basic cliches in these stories) who is dressed in a Santa suit and is at large and roaming the countryside killing wo ever he comes across.

So, when the wife tries to dispose of the body, the madman (played by Larry Drake) appears out of nowhere in the winter wonderland and attacks. So, there is a kind of twisted cat and mouse between the two characters with lots of the kind of mishaps and conundrums you would expect. And it has the usual stinger ending.

There is as descent amount of humour that works in this story, mainly from the murderous Santa, which Drack play perfectly. Mixing comedy and horror is something he would do again in the underrated Dr. Giggles. And Trainer is amazing as the wife. I honestly don’t know why she wasn’t a bigger star. And she has the most amazing scream, both in sound and with the way her face contorts.

Like most of the TFTC episodes, it is full of talent. Directed by Robert Zemeckis (who was married to Trainer at the time), written by Fred Dekker, cinematography by Dean Cundey, and music by Alan Silvestri. And this is not taking into account the Crypt Keeper wrap arounds and the show’s theme by Danny Elfman.

This 25-minute episode is some of the best seasonal viewing you could have.

The Twilight Zone, “Night of the Meek”.

The original Twilight Zone, started in 1959, was a sci-fi, fantasy, style anthology show that quickly became one of the most influential television programs ever produced and has been called the greatest television series ever made.

Created by writer Rod Serling, featured intriguing tales from every popular genre with wonderful surprise or twist endings.

The episode “The Night of The Meek” was aired in 1960 on 23rd December as part of the show’s second season. It was also one of only six episodes shot in videotape in an effort to save funds for an expensive show.

But apart from the lower quality, there is a lot to like here with this entry. Henry Corwin (Art Carney) is a world-weary alcoholic how’s only joy is playing Santa Claus at his local department store every year. But when he turns up drunk one day, his manager fires him. Corwin explains himself saying he drinks because he can’t help the lost, poor or broken. And it’s his wish that just once that the meek would inherit the earth.

Corwin, still dressed as Santa, is depressed and sulking around outside, discovers a sack full of presents and he starts handing them out to people in the neighbourhood. He is surprised to find that every gift is exactly what the person most wants for Christmas. Corwin’s mood changes when he has a purpose, even after he is taken into police custody being suspected of theft.

After giving away the last of the presents, he wishes he could be the biggest giver of true joy in the world. Moments later Corwin discovered a sleigh complete with eight reindeer, and an elf that tells him there is much work to do before next year. Corwin then drives the sleigh off into the night topped off with Serling’s hopeful narration.

There was a lot of magic in this story. Carney is a revelation in this role. And the story is a perfect fable.  It is sweet, whimsical and hopeful. And forces you to ask, “Was Corwin actually Santa?’ or “Did he become Santa?’ Or maybe it could all be in his head. But regardless, these 25 minutes are a sheer joy of a Christmas gift. 

Die Hard

There is an old and treasured saying, that “It’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off Nakatomi Plaza.” And it’s one many live by.

If you haven’t seen Die Hard, do you even like ‘fun’. Seriously? Do you even know how to ‘Christmas’?

Die Hard is a 1987 action film directed by John McTiernan and starring actor Bruce Willis as Officer John McClane. A piece of casting that was controversial at the time because until this film Willis was only known for comic performances.

This Christmas fairy tale revolves around New York cop McClane traveling to L.A. to see his wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) and his kids, after they relocate for Holly’s career while John stays in the Big Apple. Meeting Holly at her place of business Nakatomi Plaza, while they are in the middle of a Christmas party, he meets affable boss Joe Takagi (James Shigeta) and coke snorting douchebag Ellis (Hart Bochner), before reuniting with his wife.

But, while all this is going on a group of terrorists/thieves take over the building, trapping everyone inside, and only John remains at large.

After witnessing the bad guy’s leader, Hans (the great Alan Rickman in his first film role) kill Takagi, John wages a one-man guerrilla campaign to free the hostages and his wife. 

He is aided in his fight for survival by Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson), the first police responder, who talks to John via walkie talkie throughout the film, and is his life line.

There are many gun fights, fisticuffs, explosions, great dialogue, a dash of humour and solid character development throughout. And a sit ton of quotable lines.

Even the co-stars shine bright here. Cinematic assholes William Atherton and Paul Gleason playing reporter Thornburg and Dwayne T. Robinson respectively are a delight. Alexander Godunov’s unhinged villain Karl is awesome. De’voreaux White’s Argyle is fun, but not much is done with him. It also features classic ‘That Guy’ henchman Al Leong.

This is one of the best pieces of action cinema and is a near flawless piece of entertainment. And with some many repeated viewings over Christmas, it’s a classic that will not be going anywhere soon. Afterwards, why not watch the Christmas themed sequel too.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers.

Christmas, Bloody Christmas.

I watched the trailer months back and was blown away. I refused to read or watch any reviews beforehand. I am so glad I did. Wow! Just wow. Just what I wanted for Christmas this year.

This Shudder Original cocktail is equal parts The Terminator and Silent Night, Deadly Night, with a dash of real pop culture conversations, shaken in a cocktail shaker and poured over iced Giallo films. With a final girl garnish. This flick rocking ROCKS!

The conceit of the film is that the military developed robots with AI programming for war, but for some reason the program was scrapped and all the Bots were repurposed and reprogrammed for other things. In this case, many of the Bots were reprogrammed to be store Santa’s for the Christmas season. Replacing the need for unreliable drunks and ‘undesirables’ in that role.

But there is a bug in the new code and the glitch manifests itself in partly reverting to its military parameters. It basically kills anyone that is ‘naughty’ or gets in its way from it punishing the ‘naughty’.

Recorder store owner Tori (Riley Dandy) shuts up for the night on Christmas Eve, and heads to the bar with workmate Robbie (Sam Delich) after briefly stopping in to see friends there at the local toy store. Which is where the robotic Santa (Abraham Benrubi) is. When the couple in the toy store have sex, Santa grabs an axe and starts decorating the blood. And on their drunken walk home, zeros in on Tori and Robbie. Bloodbath is putting it lightly.

Written, directed and produced by Joe Begos this story has all the gifts you would want in a Christmas horror movie; the humour, the gore, the memorable performances, creepy atmosphere, the cinematography and lighting from a Dario Argento movie and a kick ass music score by Steve Moore utilising synth to heighten the pace and action of the scenes and giving life to the murderous machine.

This is a movie that knows full well what it is, and leans into all the references and homages it can. It couldn’t have happened without the genre classics of the past, but in many ways, this film surpasses them. A modern gem.

Don’t Open Till Christmas.

There are a lot of horror films that take place around Christmas. Some of them are good. Some effective thrillers with production values and acting, some stylistic slashers and some that are sleazy gore feasts. Some even have passion and talent behind them. And then there is this film.

The basics of this 1984 British holiday slasher, is that there is a serial killer knocking off men dressed in Santa suits. The story follows a few characters caught up in the events as well as Police Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom, also the film’s director) as he works the case. I have seen good, sometimes great, films in this genre with even a simpler plot, many slasher films, that do everything much better.

The killer is supposed to be the brother of Inspector Harris, who has been in a mental institution for years, who upon escaping, starts killing Santas in an effort to give his brother a ‘real’ case to solve. Sounds like a good idea, but it’s handled so badly, you wouldn’t know unless someone pointed it out. You know, something the film should be doing.

The problem with this film is that the director and star Edmund Purdom just walked off the set one day. Up and gone. And instead of waiting or cancelling the film, the producers decided to continue. First replacing the director with the film’s writer Derrick Ford, who himself was replaced by the editor Ray Selfe. It wouldn’t necessarily be a problem to replace the director, but he is also the star and the producers didn’t replace him in that role. So, the main character vanishes leaving the supporting cast to pick up the slack.

New and reshot footage were edited together with stuff Edmund shot to create a Franken-film that makes no sense. They tried to get around the muddled story by adding more sleaze, nudity and upping the gore to 11. And it didn’t work. Shocker!

I can’t recommend this film, unless you are curious about the complete ‘shit show’ flick. It’s fun to riff on this flick, but if you are a casual film goer or someone who is just getting into horror, steer clear of this tragedy. NOT A GOOD MOVIE.

Violent Night.

There is some discussion on whether films like Die Hard or Silent Night, Deadly Night are actually Christmas movies (Spoiler Alert: They are. So, shut up!). But what happens when you take the visual elements from Silent Night, Deadly Night, mix it with Die Hard, and add an unconventional Santa Claus character like Kurt Russell’s from The Christmas Chronicles, only with a drinking problem. You get the incredibly unique awesomeness of Violent Night.

Santa (the amazing David Harbour) is a little disillusioned with Christmas at the opening of the film, drinking in a pub in London on a break from the night, wondering why he is still doing all this. Then he arrives at the huge mansion of the Lightstone’s, full of rich asshats and lost souls, except for one little girl Trudy (Leah Brady) who not only is always on the “Nice” list, she has enough Christmas spirit for a whole town.

But then a group of heavily armed thieves, led by the code-named Scrooge (John Leguizamo), storm the house and take everyone hostage, demanding the 300 million dollars in the family’s personal vault.

When the thieves strike, Santa is actually in the house and gets caught up on the action, and to save a good kid and her family, battles the thieves, all of which are on Santa’s naughty list, and saves the day and Christmas.

This film does follow all the same beats as Die Hard, and is just as fun, but ends up being its own beast. Adding actual Christmas magic and whimsical ideas to a violent action movie gives it a lot of heart. The inventive action is on par with John Wick or Nobody. The humour is very well done, based around the situation and the character interactions. It fleshes out the characters and doesn’t take anything away from the story. It enhances it.

And having Santa’s backstory being that of a warrior Viking who left the killing behind to take up the mantle of Santa (maybe calling back to Tim Allen’s past performances) is a nice touch and a reason why he can take on the evil doers.

This movie will become a Christmas classic, cult or otherwise, sitting alongside those films that inspired it.